Year 2, Day 129: Let It Go

I have been thinking a lot about what to write for my first post after such a long hiatus. Feel free to read all about it on my other blog: Me and My Four Children

In some ways, I should just start this year over because it has been so long since I have worked on my goal of writing, walking and strength training, but then I realized....sometimes falling off the wagon & then getting back on is just as important to the journey as starting and finishing.

For the last 5 weeks I have been working out via on-line videos with my sister-in-law, Mandy. Mandy is an awesome instructor - I can not say enough good things about her (but I will save all of that for another post). My lack of writing had nothing to do with Mandy or the work outs (trust, me it is strength training!).

My lack of writing had everything to do with my own insecurities, my own negative voices in my head, my own feelings of not being good enough.

Some of these negative thoughts & feelings have been conveyed back to Mandy and she, being the awesome instructor/person that she is, immediately let me know that I am doing great, on the right track and deserve to be the best me in the best body that I can have (let's face it, no matter how much I work out I am never going to grow any taller or have my hair magically turn blonde....).

I think everyone has those negative thoughts running through their brains. Maybe it has to do with your singing voice or your cooking abilities or something you truly can not control like your height! But each of us has been endowed with an amazing body (that is also another post) and amazing abilities. Each one of us deserves to feel and look our best every day. We do not have to be super model thin (not that I want to be) or have faces that are good enough to grace the cover of a magazine (okay, I secretly want that one), but we can be our very best selves.

I had forgot that for the past several months. I had forgotten that I have learned this lesson several times in the past (I will probably have to relearn it again in the future), but today, through a Disney movie....correction, a Disney song, I remembered.

side note: what is it about Disney movies and songs that can touch our very souls? Movie magic anyone?

Back to the point: This morning we finally watched Frozen. I won't go into all of my likes and dislikes of the movie....but I finally get why the song "Let It Go" has taken the world by storm, been translated into a ton of different languages (at least 25) and nominated for an Oscar (don't know if it won).

Forget about the movie sequence that goes with the song (some people dislike the dress Elsa makes for herself), just let yourself be carried away by the movie and lyrics.

An argument could be made that Elsa is singing to let all the good things of the world go, but she isn't. She is not saying stop being a good girl (despite the line that mentions being a good girl) - what the song is actually saying is let your unique talents, your best self, the person you are meant to be shine through. Show the world who you truly are. Show the world what you are made of and what you are capable of.

I have said on this blog before that I have never felt that what I like to do or am good at is legit. The example I always give is exercise. Everyone says "run", so I try to run even though I don't like to and prefer walking or dancing. Why do I think what I like to do is not good enough? Why do I think my dancing is bad or my singing is wrong or my piano playing is only so-so or how I home school isn't perfect or I don't have any sense of decorating a home and dressing myself.

Why do I put myself down and put everyone else on a pedestal. Why do we do that as women? And if we are not putting every one else down than we are tearing everyone else down.

I realize I am getting off topic a bit, but as my daughters and i have sung Elsa's song over and over again it hit me hard - why do I feel that I must conform? why do I feel that I can not be my best me? why?

Well, today, I am letting go.

When I am strength training and hating/loving every minute of it, I am letting go of those negative thoughts...and when I am done, I am putting on a  favorite tune and dancing my heart out.

I love to sing. I love to dance. I love to move my body - walking, riding a bike, swimming, playing with my children, etc.

Strength training is necessary. I am going to let go of my fear and hatred of it - I have actively avoided it since high school. When the push ups are hard, when I don't think I can do another Burpee,  when I see on the video how much lower Mandy can get in her push ups (which makes sense since she is a certified trainer)....I am just going to let it go.

I am in this for me. I am becoming my best self so I can enjoy my children like I did when they were younger. I am doing this so I can be my healthiest as I move into my 40s. I am letting go of all those negative comments about my body that have ever come my way - those people and their comments do not matter.

Let it go....and be the best you possible.

Happy walking!

Let it Go video