11-30-2020  My Weight

I really hate being asked how much I weigh or ever admitting how much I weigh. It isn't because I am ashamed of my weight - far from it. I just really loath the response from people.

Normally, the response is "Oh, that isn't very much weight" or "you look good why are you worried about vanity weight?"

First off, my weight is not vanity weight. Second off, weight is relative to your height.

So yeah, I weigh 159 pounds. 

159 pounds might not seem all the heavy to you. You might even think to yourself, "I would love to be 159 pounds". Which is awesome.

159 pounds is not awesome for me.

If you decide to go old school and look at a height weight chart, I fall into the obese category.

You see, I am only 5'1". 

That's right, 5 feet and 1 inch. 

That isn't very tall. 

And when you are not very tall, a lower number on the scale can and will be overweight or obese.

For someone taller, 159 pounds might fall under the overweight category or the normal weight category, or the underweight category. It all depends on your height.

For me, at 5'1", the normal weight range is 100 to 131 pounds. Yes, you read that correctly. 100 pounds.

Am I going for 100 pounds? No. I will be very happy with 131 pounds, thank you very much. When I got married at age 27, I was 125 pounds. Obviously, having three kids and doing a terrible job of exercising regularly ontop of an out-of-control sweet tooth means I am now, 28 pounds over my ideal. 

At 5'1", 132 to 157 pounds is overweight. At age 49, I would be happy with overweight. But my goal is a normal weight for my height.

Now, you might be thinking that if I look at a BMI chart that I won't fall under the obese category. I mean we all have heard the funny stories of guys like Brad Pitt being classified as obese when it is obvious they are in great shape.

I looked that up as well, my BMI number is 30.04. That falls under the obese category.

On the BMI chart, 18.5 - 24.9 is considered normal (that happens to equate to 100-127 pounds).

25 - 29.9 us considered overweight (roughly 132 - 153 pounds).

See? I am obese. And I need to lose weight for my health. This is not vanity weight.

Oh, you might ask about my waist circumference. Yeah, it is 38.5 inches. All I know is that for women your waist circumference is suppose to be below 35 inches. Obviously, I have some work to do.

I don't know about you, but with all this extra weight, I feel sluggish, and fat, don't sleep well, don't have a lot of energy and I seem to spiral into ever more bad eating habits. 

I would love to go back to the days when I could eat anything and never gain a pound. Yes, I was one of those kids. 

I am not that person now. 

Every calorie consumed and every calorie burned makes a difference in my weight and on my body's overall health (and even on my mental health).

I am proud to be 5'1" and 159 pounds and 49 years old.

I will be even prouder when one of those numbers goes down for good while another number increases every year. I happen to love my age as well.

My goal is every Monday to post my weight and waist circumference. If I don't track it, it won't change for the better. That is one thing I have learned this past year.

What about you? 

 11/28/2020 - The beginning of a plan

When I started this blog it was with the sole intent to either prove or disprove my doctor's assertion that the only exercise I needed was to walk. He said to walk briskly every day for 30 minutes.

I didn't lose a ton of weight walking every day for a year. I did; however, have more energy, slept better, drank more water, and didn't feel nearly as depressed in the winter months (Illinois was cold!).

In an attempt to curb my sweet tooth, I once spent a year only having sugar (obvious sugar, not the hidden kind) once a month. By the end of the year, one bite of a cake was more than enough sugar for me. The Christmas holidays hit and that was the end of that experiment.

In 2019, after my husband's heart attack, I kept track of my food, exercise, and weight on the MyFitnessPal app. It worked. I lost 10 lbs. I also quit keeping track when we went on a family trip to Disneyland and never got back into the swing of things.

This past year, I have been walking every day. Sometimes I track it on MyFitnessPal sometimes I don't. Sometimes I do other exercises - like yoga, sometimes I don't. I've learned that I do love to move. I am happier and have more energy. Yoga, especially restorative yoga, is my favorite. I also learned I love walking outside with other people, but listening to a podcast will work just as well. I have also learned that I don't super enjoy the elliptical machine (use that when it is too dang hot outside), but again, a podcast helps pass the time...and I love how many calories I burn from using the elliptical.

What I can't seem to get a handle on is my eating. 

I am all over the place. Too many sweets, not enough self-control...even when it comes to something semi-healthy like a bowl of soup. I overeat at almost every meal. I also eat too fast. 

The worst part about eating too fast? I swallow air and then have gas for the rest of the day. Ugh.

I also emotionally eat. Bad day, disappointing news, not feeling well, etc... I go for comfort foods - ice cream, chocolate, and lots of yummy carbs like mashed potatoes.

What I really want to learn is how to love eating the way I love to walk.

I have no idea how to do this.

So, the best I can come up with is combining a lot of the things that worked for me in the past: this blog, tracking on MyFitnessPal, and limiting how often I get (obvious) sugar.

But here is the thing...Sundays are completely free. I don't have to get up early, I don't have to walk, I don't have to blog, I don't have to track and I don't have to skip the family dessert.

I will weigh myself every Saturday. I will post my weight. This is kind of a big deal for me because I do not like telling people how much I weigh. It isn't a vanity thing. It is a "save myself from comments" thing. I would say stupid comments, but that might be a tad mean. Monday's post will be about this.

I might post my tracking. Haven't decided yet.

I will talk about my ups and downs, insights I have, things I have learned, and even ask for help/insights.

Thanks for taking this journey with me!

Thanksgiving 2020

I really like to post on Thanksgiving.

Two years since my husband's heart attack.

2020 has been...different. 

The good: 

My husband is working full-time remote.

I (think) I have the problem of chronic pain in my upper right jaw finally solved.

I spend most of 2020 walking... and discovering podcasts.

I discovered that organizing is a calming and relaxing activity for me.

I started therapy.

I started healing relationships.

The bad:

Despite my best efforts, I have gained weight instead of losing weight

The COVID-19 pandemic 

The presidential election

The ugly:

I find myself knotted up with angst and wanting to pick a fight

I broke up with my best friend, the honorary aunt to my children

And here I am, on Thanksgiving day wondering if I should go back to blogging my journey of health. Wondering if I will be more dedicated this time than I was last time...or the last two or three times. Wondering if I can make a permanent change in myself as I write about it.

I don't like being the person who constantly snacks on junk food Or the person who doesn't seem to have any self-control to eat goodies. 

I don't like being the person who only half-heartedly exercises. 

I really don't like being the person who can't tell if her aches and pains are from aging or being overweight. For the first time in my life, I am having issues shaving under my arms. I keep breaking out in rashes. The rashes are different each time, but a theme of "when someone gains weight problems can arise in the folds of their skin". bleh. Were all my rashes because I have gained weight? Or were they caused by poor shaving techniques? Or caused by exercising more and not showering fast enough after I sweated? Or just a random, no reason behind it, kind of thing?

And as I write, I can feel myself getting grumpier. Grumpy for not having all the answers and being the example everyone wants to follow. (yes, I am that vain) Grumpy because my family wants/needs my attention and Thanksgiving dinner won't cook itself. Grumpy because I am cramping and my periods have changed and this one has lasted way too long. Grumpy because I just really want to pick a fight and my poor husband came into our room and asked me one question. It was all I could do not to gripe at him. He did nothing wrong. He simply came in and bothered me. Bothered me when I am writing this out and wanting to hide from the world. 

I have no idea where this blog will go or how often I will write. 

So, I will simply say... "Happy Thanksgiving!"