Year 3: Day 12: What does that number really mean?

Last night as I was going to sleep I began to think about the number on the scale. You know that horrible number that never seems to budge or move down...but magically will jump up several numbers at a time? That number we all seem to obsess about because somehow the number on the scale represents how healthy we are?

Well, I hate that number. I've always hated that number. In fact, the number just drives me nuts. And here is why:

When we were little (or when our children were little), every time we visited the doctor for a check up or an illness, the very first thing the nurse does is take weight and height. Weight and height every single time...even if you saw the doctor the day before.

Now children are blissfully unaware what all these numbers mean, but parents know the numbers are put into a chart to see if the child is growing properly. (My frustration with that is not appropriate for this post!)

If you do not fall into the nice average than perhaps you heard your whole life (like I did): underweight and under height. Some may hear overweight and over height....or any combination. Does this mean the child is unhealthy? Does this mean the child is not growing? Does this mean something needs to change drastically?

Um, no.

What it means is that the child does not fit the average (last I checked, to get an average you must have highs & lows, but I digress...).

So, let's pretend for a moment you heard your whole life you do not fit the average. Than you hit a magical age (usually around 18) and the numbers no longer matter. That's right, they don't matter. Now, the nurse still takes your weight (rarely does height get checked once you are an adult), but the doctor no longer plugs into a growth chart. Yep, doesn't matter....unless you fall into an extreme. Extreme thin or Extreme weight. Everyone else is pretty much ignored.

Now, if you heard growing up "you are underweight, you need to eat!" than trust me when I say it takes a long time for you to figure out that the weight number going up might not be such a great thing....

I hate telling people how much I weigh because so many people do not get this concept: weight on a tall person looks different on a short person.

I weigh 145lbs. I hear all the time, oh, that is really good. Great! Is that really good for a short person (I'm only 5'1"), an average person (5'7") or a tall person (6')????

Seriously, it will look different on each person. It will also look different if you are small boned, medium boned or large boned. I am small boned.

It also looks different on your shape - are you curvy? are you top heavy? are you bottom heavy? are you straight? 145lbs on a tall, shapely woman is going to look a heck of a lot different than 145lbs on a short, shapely woman. One will look svelte...the other will look fat.

Yes, I used the f word. fat. But fat is subjective, just like the number on the scale and the number on your  clothes. What is not subjective is your height. Your height is never going to change. Even when you wear 6 inch heels....your still the same old height.

Your weight, sure it isn't subjective....but how we look at it is. That is badly worded, but basically, weight is subjective.

Why? Because so many of us are trying to get to some magical number that some chart, some calculator, some doctor, etc. said we need to get to.

I'm 5'1" - height/weight ratio says I can be as low as 110lbs....last time I was that weight was college and some people thought I was anorexic. Nope, not anorexic, just very, very, very skinny.

If you look at BMI I should be some where in the 120's....both systems say 145lbs is overweight for someone of my height.

Fine. Whatever.

But does the 110lbs, the 125lbs, the 134lbs or the 145lbs reflect my health? my happiness? my longevity? Nope, not at all.

In some ways, I am healthier at 145lbs than I was at 110lbs. Why? Because I am actually eating healthy where I did not when I was in high school and college.

Since baby number 3 was born, I have wanted to shed the baby weight and be back down to a very healthy 125 lbs. It is the weight I was at when I got married before I had any children. It is a nice number, but being that number doesn't automatically equate health.

Which brings me back to my title: what does that number really mean?

The arbitrary number: 125 lbs
Meaning: A wonderful reminder of a time in my life when I was extremely happy - newly married, a new mom, etc.

The arbitrary number: 145 lbs
Meaning: A reminder of struggles with depression (including post partum depression), moving away from friends (too many times to count), struggles with money and even struggles as a wife and mother.

Neither of those numbers mean health or unhealthy to me. Those numbers are 100% EMOTIONAL!

I've decided if the numbers of my weight really meant nothing than as an adult they mean nothing as well.

I've decided that instead of weighing myself constantly and stressing over an arbitrary number...I 'm going to focus on my emotions. Do I feel happy? Do I feel up? Do I feel good about myself?

I'll also focus on eating clean/healthy and moving my body....but that goes without saying.

Happy Journey!