Year 3, Day 76: Never. Gonna. Happen.

Yesterday I talked about an article by Dick Talens on four harsh truths that will make you a healthier person. Read the article here and read my post here.

I've been doing a lot of thinking about the second harsh truth: When you fail, it's because you are "lazy"

Out of all four truths, this one was the hardest for me to understand. Hard because I don't see myself as lazy. Sure, I have times when I want to be lazy. I even have days when I am lazy. Compared to some of my type A friends, I may look lazy, but I am not lazy.

I know how to work hard.

I don't want to bore you with a list of things that I have done to prove I know how to work hard, but a little list to show I know what I am talking about would probably help. So here are some highlights of hard work over the years (in no particular order):

I put myself through school and graduated with a Bachelors.
I've moved more than a dozen times in my life and I pack & move myself (expect for two times - which actually ended up being more work after the move!).
I washed all the laundry for my family by hand for 30 days because we were without electricity (aftermath of a Super Typhoon).
And I have cleaned up after one Super Typhoon and dozens of smaller typhoons and tropical storms.

I also know how to be mentally tough when another route would be so much easier...examples include:

Attending church every week with 3 children and without my husband - this I have been doing since my oldest was a baby.
Homeschooling my 3 children since my oldest was in 1st grade.


So why do I find the statement that I have failed because I am lazy so hard to understand?

Well, that is what I have been contempating since yesterday's post.

When Talens said "lazy" he wasn't talking about being physically lazy. He acknowledged that sometimes it is better to be a little bit lazy. Sometimes we need to give ourselves a break. When Talens said "failed" he wasn't talking about the set backs that we all experience in our "get fit" journey. Again, he acknowledged there will be days when we don't exercise or workout as hard as we should. I don't remember if he mentioned "cheat" days, but eating too much food or the wrong food is not failure - it is just a set back.

What Talens meant by fail and lazy was the mental/emotional toughness. In my above examples, I was able to accomplish the tough tasks because I was mentally and emotionally tough. Granted, some of those examples I was forced to be mentally tough (not like anyone in their right mind would voluntarily choose to wash clothes by hand for 7 people for 30 days). In some of those examples, I was mentally tough because I wanted something badly or was passionate about something (getting my BA and attending church are good examples of this).

After talking to my husband, listening to him telling his Marine Corps stories to a friend, and dong a lot of pondering, I've come to the conclusion that I don't want to be physically fit/healthy enough.

I started this blog because I wanted to prove my doctor was wrong. My motivating factor was so strong that I overcame the obstacles of bad weather, long days, sick days and just plain "not enough time" days.

After a year, I wanted to branch out and try other things - like strength training. My motivating goal to prove my doctor was gone. If you read posts from year 2 you will see 1) I didn't write as much as I did the first year. 2) It took me a long time to get a good rhythm/routine down for strength training and 3) When I hurt myself, I didn't go back to strength training when the doctor gave me the green light.

In other words, I didn't have the mental toughness to get over a small setback. I already know I operate best when I am being rebellious or proving someone wrong; however, I would like to change that. I would like to become a person who operates best because I am passionate and want to simply operate best (my best).

I know, deep in my heart, I keep waiting for that magical moment when I have had enough of being out of shape, hurting, fat, tired, sick, etc. I am waiting for that magical moment when I wake up in the morning, I know that today will be the first day of a new life - of working out, eating healthy and reaching those goals.

This morning, I woke up and realized this has truth: That is Never Going to Happen!

Never. Gonna. Happen.

Never. Happen.

Never.

Why? Because that is not how it works.

When I first started going to church with the children and without my husband, I did not have a magical moment of "I'm going to church no matter what". Instead, I had days when I didn't want to go and had to talk myself into going. I had days when I need my husband to gently encourage/support me in my desire to go. I even had days when I didn't go, felt horrible/guilty and went the next week.

When I went to college, there were many times I just wanted to bag the whole thing. Times when I was tired of working jobs all through school and even in the summers. There were times when I wondered if all the studying was worth it. Sometimes, I didn't study as good as I should have. Sometimes I even failed a class. But I kept at it, I picked myself back up and kept going and trying and studying and striving to do better.

That, my friends, is the definition of a winner. That, my friends, is the definition of success. That, my friends, is the definition of mental toughness. And that, my friends, is what I have to remember when it comes to being healthy.

I am not ever going to have a magical moment. I am going to have tough days. I am going to have bad days. I am going to have days when I just don't care. I am going to have to recommit each and every day. I am going to have to forgive myself and move one. I am going to have set backs. I am going to have little victories. But I am never having a magical moment.

And I am okay with that.

Happy Journey!