A New Year

Even though it is autumn, something of spring seems more appropriate.

A year of Walking, a journey to inspire the mind, rejuvenate the soul, and strengthen the body, is my very humble attempt at a new blog and celebrating a new year. Yes, I realize the New Year actually begins in January, but for me, it is Thanksgiving Day.

One year ago today, my family pulled into our new home. It was dark and cold – we arrived close to 9pm. The house was thankfully warm, although unfurnished (our belongings would not arrive until the following week), but we brought pillows & blankets with us. It was a night of camping out as a family in our new family room.

It was the beginning of a new adventure…a new life…a new year. As with every move, I mourned the friends I left behind, the life I knew – the familiar & the comfortable. And, once again, I found myself putting aside the “old” me in the hopes of finding a “new” me. As with most moves, I soon re-learned that a “new” me is not possible until I choose to change the “old” me. Normally, it is a small process that takes a few months of trying new things and realizing the tried and true is just fine (with maybe a tweak or two).

However, this past year I did not go through the transition seamlessly (and I do not know why) as I mentioned in an earlier post about my depression, which you can read here. As I have slowly come out of this depression, and finally realized the “old” me is not a bad person who must be changed into a “new” creature, I have wondered what the next year will hold for me. Will I finally embrace our new home? Will I ever consider the Mid-West home as I do the South? The West?  The South-West?

As I have thrown myself back into homeschooling (and loving it), I have contemplated if this is all I am meant to do in this season of my life. Yes, I strongly believe there is a season for everything. When I was younger, it was school and work. Then I was a new bride and then a young mother. I am neither of those things now, yet, I yearn to be in a new season….my current one seems to be lasting forever.

My children are growing, their needs are changing, but am I growing and changing to meet those needs? Do I recognize that as I continue to struggle with the same problems over and over again that it is making an impact on my children? Am I living the life I was meant to live in the way I was meant to live it? How does one know if they are fulfilling their life’s mission or to put it another way: fulfilling the calling that God has asked them to do while they experience their mortal existence?

There are a few things I know about myself:

1)      Everything I have gone through has been for a purpose. I have grown because of those experiences.

2)      Many times my past experiences have enabled me to help others through similar problems. I have the ability (sometimes I feel like it is an uncanny ability) to share an extremely personal problem (like post partum depression) with someone only to find out that they are currently suffering the same problem.

3)      I have concluded that one of my callings in life is to talk, to share, to express what I feel, what I see and most importantly, what I have gone through with others.

So, not to sound to self-important (although I have probably already failed in that department!), this blog is my next season. I want to spend a year walking. Physically walking at least 5 times a week for 30 minutes because my doctor recently told me I needed to. But I am also hoping, that as I grow stronger in body that I will find what I fear I have lost: my spirit and my mind. I want to read & ponder. I want to study & pray. I want to share with others my successes & my failures, my hopes & dreams, and invite others to share my journey.

I have always focused on the destination, never the journey. This New Year in my new home, I want to focus on the journey and maybe, just maybe, become a “new” me while loving and keeping the “old” me.