Day 9: More determination

In an earlier post post I talked about dedication. It wasn't a topic I expected to address so soon.

Yet, here I am reaffirming my determination.

Reaffirming is a funny word, in a sense. I affirm that I believe something or feel something and then when I reaffirm I am doing it all over again. In fact, when you put "re" in front of most words it makes for an interesting idea.

I know 2 lovely sisters who have amazing faith. Whenever they taught a lesson for Relief Society (a women's organization at church), they would frequently mention the need to recommit to the gospel.

I have never forgotten this message: an opportunity to recommit.

This morning I had an opportunity to recommit.

I believe in this post, I mentioned my preference would be to wake up leisurely to the sun. My family (the family I grew up with) will tell you that it doesn't matter when I wake up I am grumpy. And I am. I can admit it. My husband and children will tell you that it doesn't matter when I wake up I am grumpy, but give me an hour to myself and I am happy. And this is true at 6am or 9am. I need that hour to myself.

I woke up not wanting to get up. Not wanting to face my day. Not wanting to be a wife, a mother,  a homeschooler, and certainly not a walker! All I wanted to do was stay in bed and be left alone.

Sigh.

But a little voice in the back of my head started listing all the reasons why I started walking to begin with, listing all the reasons why walking is good for the children and how it counts for P.E. In other words, I talked myself into going.

Now, I was not a very nice person towards Steve - rather grumpy actually. However, I was smiling and joking with the children by the time we ended our walk. We even ran some much needed errands afterwards.

It felt good to recommit to walking. It felt good to walk. It felt good to follow through on a decision. It feels good to tell you that I walked today even when I didn't want to. It is nice to reaffirm my dedication - even if the word is a little funny sounding.

Day 8: The 1 Week Anniversary

Normally I would scoff at celebrating a one week anniversary - I mean, really, what is a week? Yet, I recognize that I have to keep myself excited about going and recognize the little things that happen along the way of my journey.

I tend to focus so much on what the end of a goal will look like that I forget to enjoy the process. As a result, I sometimes never reach the goal!

Or, I am too focused on the beginning of a project and am never able to see the progress, which also results (sometimes) in failing to reach the goal.

I have spent one week walking daily (except on Sunday) for 30 minutes. I have walked outside in the cold, I have walked in a store, I have walked in a mall and I have walked with children in tow. Pretty darn good for me!

Looking back it seems a piece of cake; but when I started last week it seemed a daunting task. Looking to a year or 6 months or month from now seems daunting, but focusing on tomorrow...that seems doable. One day at a time and one week at a time and I might, just might complete my year of walking (here's hoping)!

Happy 1 Week Anniversary to Me!

Day 7: Highs & Lows

The highlight of the day: getting up on time!

If I could live my perfect world every day than I would be able to let the sunlight wake me up slowly, I would spend a couple of hours just piddling and waking up, and then tackle my day with exercise, school, housework, and errands.

But alas, I do not live my perfect world every day; instead I will take the next best thing every day - waking up on time.

I don't know about anyone else, but I hate the feeling that I am behind. I may not like getting up early (and in the dark), but I like having the time to get myself ready for the day without chaos. Since I started this walking journey, I have struggled to get out of bed on time. In fact, I was lucky if I got out of bed before 8am. The best time is 6am. I know it isn't that early, I use to get up much earlier in different stages of my life, but 6am is hard when your body gets use to 9am. And boy, does 9am sound lazy!

Today was great. Up on time and out the door by 8am. I felt like I could take on the world!

I compromised with my eldest, I allowed her to set the pace of our walk. She did an okay job and got through the 30 minutes without whining or complaining (or collapsing from exhaustion).

The highlight for my children was the children's area was open this morning. I will spare you all the pictures on this blog, but all 3 children ran around for another 30 minutes. Pretty good exercise considering last year we were all slugs during the colder months.

Proof the children were playing in the children's area.

The low had to do with school. Since I have taken the time and effort to put walking into my routine, school has suffered. I am back to feeling like I am behind. I have a pretty good schedule/routine for school, but find myself not jumping right into it after we are done walking.

Honestly, I am hoping that is just a result of being tired and not use to a lot of physical exertion. I am hoping that it will work itself out, but despite all that hoping I still feel anxious. And when I feel anxious I tend to be a lot less patient with the children.

This blog is not about homeschooling, but it is about the effects of walking. Having to adjust your life and your lifestyle to include a regimen of walking (or other forms of exercise) does effect the rest of your life.

I guess I could be wrong and making a lot more out of this, but does anyone else have similar feelings? Adding in 30 minutes of walking sounds easy, but by the time I am done adding in the drive time to the mall and the children's run around time I have spent an hour and half of my life. An hour and half is a lot harder to add in smoothly than 30 minutes.

Okay, enough negatives - I will end on a positive note: It is almost 7pm and I am ready for bed, but today is the first day I didn't have an overwhelming need for a nap! I call that progress!

Day 6: The Plan

As I mentioned on Saturday, I need plan to truly succeed. I don't want to find myself at 6pm and wonder how I am going to get my walking in for the day - it is hard enough getting shower in!

The plan needs to be simple. The plan needs to be independent of me relying on anyone else. That might sound a little harsh, but if my plan involves Steve or friend watching the children, then at some point they are not going to be able to watch the children. No one's fault, just a part of life. Perhaps they get sick, or go out of town, etc. The plan also needs to be somewhat flexible. If I sign up for a walking group that only meets at 12 noon then at some point in the future that 12 noon time period will stop working for me. Again,  no one's fault, but life changes and I need a plan that can change as well. And finally, I need the plan to be cheap. We currently have the money for me to go to a gym, but I don't want to a) spend the money if I can get the same results without spending the money (I am a little too frugal) b) feel stuck in a membership or plan that stops working for me c) feel like the money is a drain on the finances if in the future we no longer have the same level of income.

For the colder months, the children and I will walk at the mall.

Before we started our walk this morning, K took the picture.

We are attempting to get there every morning by 8am. The  mall is a 5 minute drive, two laps equals a little over one mile, and they have a children's area. My thought is that we all walk and then I can give the children some run around time. While they play, I can eat a snack and/or read a book.

We are not quite up to 2 full laps, but we do walk the full 30 minutes...it is just harder on some children than others.

K barely made the last 10 minutes, she was so tired.

K gave it the ol' college try when it came to running around with her siblings.

But she gave up after a couple of minutes. K spent the rest of the time laying on the bench and listening to me read "War Horse".

The main children's area was closed this morning for cleaning, so the children made do by climbing all over the "ride" toys.

S is still a toddler at heart (she even likes to sit in the high chairs at restaurants) and probably had the most fun on these riding toys.

Z didn't want his picture taken today. He had fun playing, but did it boy style - climbing on top of and over the riding toys instead of sitting in them.

In the summer months, we would switch to a park because I think fresh air is paramount. If I wasn't such a wuss when it comes to the cold, we would walk outside now! (Did I mention the high today was 35 degrees?)

Finally, I think the children need this as much as I do, especially K. Lately, she has skipped the run around time with her siblings to read a book. I love reading, but I want her to balance it with some physical movement. (Now if I could convince Z to balance his run around time with a little bit of reading!)

I am a little nervous that with the Christmas season & winter approaching this might prove harder than I think, but 2 days down and a whole year left to go!

Day 5: Woke Up Happy! & Info

I woke up on time and ready to go walking this morning! It was a great feeling! I think I have come up with a good winter plan, but I will discuss that in a different post, for now I want to talk stats.

I am not really sure it is necessary to state where I am currently at in terms of weight and measurements, but at the same time I think it would be interesting to see the how and what of changes a year from now.

Before I give my stats, I must admit that I do not like to tell people how much I weigh or even how much I would like to lose. The main reason being, most people respond with, “oh, but you don’t need to lose any weight – you don’t even look fat (or heavy)!” Well, great, I don’t look like I am over weight and out of shape, but my body says different every day.

A couple of things to keep in mind:

1 – Different heights can handle different weights. A person who is 5’1” and 150lbs looks different from a person who is 5”6’ and 150lbs who looks different from a person who is 6’1” and 150lbs. My guess, one would look over weight, one would look fine and one would look a little too thin.

2 – Different builds can handle different weights. Even if you had 3 people lined up at the same height (5’6”) and at the same weight (150lbs), but one was small build, one was medium build and one was big build…again, you would have 3 people who appeared to look different – one over weight, one fine and one a little too thin.

3 – Being female adds a whole other level to the complication of weight, appearance and health. There are so many different ways a female body can look that in the book Dress Your Best: The Complete Guide to Finding the Style That's Right for Your Body by Stacy London and Clinton Kelly there are 15 some odd different types. The book discusses each basic type with petite, average height and tall – we are talking curvy all over, curvy on the bottom, curvy on the top, straight, bigger on the bottom, bigger in the middle, bigger on top! It can give you a headache. So, as a woman, I not only have to worry about my height and my build, but I also have to worry about my curves. If you took someone who 6’1” and they were curvy all over, and 150lbs, they would appear larger than someone who is 6’1” and straight.

4 – I, personally, am losing weight because my doctor told me I needed to. He said I am overweight and needed to lose 10-15lbs. He told me not to go on a strict diet in the attempt to get myself to my “ideal” weight. He said I would basically being starving myself to get to that weight. I like a doctor who sees things pragmatically.

5 – This health journey is less about weight (although I do hope to lose some) and more about ensuring I have a healthy body. I have high cholesterol; high cholesterol and heart problems also run in my family.

Without further ado, here are my stats:

Height: 5’1” (full disclosure – small build, curvy all over)

Weight: 145 lbs

 

Measurements:

Hips: 42”

Waist: 35”

Chest: 40”

Cholesterol levels:

Total: 206 mg/dL

Triglycerides: 226 mg/dL

HDL (good): 44mg/dL

LDL (bad): 117 mg/dL

CHOL/HDL Ratio: 4.7

Non-HDL:  162 mg/dL

(Note: Not sure what it all means, but I know it means that my total, triglycerides and non-HDL cholesterol is high.)

A final thought: it is my personal theory that women who are petite and curvy all over have a tougher time keeping the weight off or in check. I further believe that it is actually very easy for petite & curvy all over women to look overweight even when they are not. Why? Simple, because they tend to have shorter torsos, shorter waists, shorter legs and sometimes even shorter necks  and when you add a larger chest and/or hips than you are creating an image of a “chunky” person. You might not agree with me, and that is o.k., but all I know is that when I was my “ideal” weight of 110lbs (and yes, I was that weight before having children) I could look heavy or pregnant if I chose the wrong clothing (clothing makes a huge difference, but that is for a different post!).

Day 4: Sunday, a day of rest

Despite my discussion yesterday of determination and the need to walk every day, I also think I need to balance my life with rest. Countless experts will advise resting your muscles. Feel free to correct me if I am wrong, but I am sure I have read that when weight lifting you need to work a different muscle group every day so as not to stress the muscles. I know when I worked out with Jillian Michael’s 30 Day Shred video she recommended the following schedule: Mon. Workout; Tues. Workout; Wed. rest (or light workout like walking); Thurs. Workout; Fri. Workout; Sat. Workout; Sun. rest. The video even showed you how you could switch rest days, but keep the basic pattern of workout and rest.

Resting on Sunday, for me, is less about muscle break and more about keeping the Sabbath Day holy. Now, I do not profess to be an expert on this subject or even to do it perfectly.  I am human and to be human is to err (a sloppy paraphrase).

I was raised that you do not work on Sunday. Genesis and the creation of the world shows that God rested on the 7^th day and, therefore, as His children we should follow His example and rest as well.

How we rest is an interesting subject. Some believe that no work means that we do not work and we do not cause others to work. As someone who has had to work on Sundays, I strive not to cause anyone else to work on Sundays either. But I am a mom and work comes with the territory. So, I personally, do not cook on Sundays and happily use paper plates to cut down on dishes. Cooking and housework is my work and for me to get a day of rest than I need to “ignore” that aspect of my motherly duties.

Others take the subject of rest and the Sabbath day to mean no television, no electronics, only uplifting music, not playing outside.  I don’t like to focus on don’ts, but dos (Hmmm, that doesn’t look right, but hopefully you understand what I am saying!)

I see Sunday as a day to rest from my everyday life and spend it with those that I love. Do I watch T.V. and use electronics? Yes, but it is done as a family. Do I play outside? No, because I feel that the children and I have enough time during the week to partake in that activity. Then why allow T.V. and electronics? Simple, I don’t allow those items during the week, only on the weekend.

Perhaps I am playing semantics and justifying behavior, but I feel that the overriding principle is to rest from our every day labors. As I apply that, and ensure family is central to the decisions, than I can be true to what I believe.

If you think about it…God never said Sunday was the Sabbath. He said to rest the seventh day, call it Sabbath and keep it holy. There are many religions that feel Saturday is the seventh day and the Sabbath. And for those individuals that choose to be in service jobs – like nurses and firefighters, perhaps their seventh day is something different. I believe God sees the intent of our heart, not a day on the calendar.

Which leads me back to walking on Sunday; Sunday is my seventh day and my Sabbath. Walking is now a part of my every day…may labor if you will. I will rest from walking on Sunday and have faith that it will benefit me more in the long run.

Day 3 - Dedication

Dedication is a funny thing to discuss on the third day of my journey, but it was on my mind today as I walked.

First, I didn't want to walk today. It is Saturday - I wanted to do nothing! But doing nothing is kind of what got me into this mess. What mess? The "cholesterol is high, can't get a good night's sleep, body has too many aches & pains, clothes don't fit, and my face is still breaking out" mess!

When I woke up this morning I did not have a plan for today, well, the only plan was to take the children to see "Rise of the Guardians" (good movie, btw). I slept in and I didn't have a plan. Not a good combination for me. You see, I am a planner & an organizer. I love having routines & schedules. I have learned to be flexible enough over the years to be spontaneous, but I can't be spontaneous every day - ugh, that would drive me nuts!

So...no plan, but a vague notion that I really need to get my walk in. I mean, if I fail to walk on my third day in than perhaps I won't walk on the fourth or the fifth or the sixth or...well, you get the point. Starting something is fairly easy - sticking with it, well, that is a whole other thing.

A few weeks back, a wonderful friend and I were chatting before church started; we were giggling over our lack of follow through. I had mentioned that I did not understand comments like, "I can do anything for two weeks". I have tried to do things for just two weeks (like eat a very specific diet) and will fall short a day or two before it ends. It was funny at the time, but it really kind of bothers me. Am I the kind of person who can't follow through? Or do I only follow through on the items that I see as important?

I think it is the latter. Some examples: Happily married for almost 15 years - that takes determination and follow through; home schooling my 3 children - that takes determination and follow through (especially when I hear a lot of "I don't want to"); nursing all 3 children for a year or more; choosing to be a stay-at-home mom; going to church with the children in tow and the husband home...All hard things to do. All important things to do. All things that take determination and follow through (and maybe a good sense of humor as well).

So why do I continually fall down short when it comes to eating healthy and exercising?

Personally I think it is because I dislike the words diet and exercise. I want to eat what I want when I want and how I want....and I can, I just need to learn to eat slower, eat less of the "not so good" and more of the "really good".

As for exercise...well, I love to dance, swim, bike ride and walk. I would love to learn how to play tennis really well. Not crazy about weight lifting. At one time I was pretty decent at volleyball. But here is the thing, I don't see any of those things as exercise. I know, I know, I know - all of those things are exercise, but exercise to me is boring. Exercise to me, requires special equipment and special clothes and maybe, even, a special instructor. Also (and this is painful to admit), I don't see the things that I enjoy as legitimate ways to lose weight and get into shape. For exercise to be legitimate it needs to be attached to something huge - like a marathon; or painful - like an intense aerobic class; or boring - like a baseball game. Why do I think that? I have absolutely no idea.

I think I mentioned in my first post that my doctor told me to lose weight. He said that if I were to walk 30 minutes a day, 5 days a week that I would lose the 10-15 pounds I need to lose. He also said walking is something I could do for the rest of my life. Hehehehe - I guess walking has become legitimate since I have a doctor "prescribing" it to me.

Now, I just have to decide that my health & wellness is worth the time & effort. I need to decide to be determined & follow through on walking like I have on so many other areas in my life.

By now you are probably wondering what I did today. I walked..for 30 minutes..at the store. I should have snapped a picture, but I didn't think about it! After the movie, I needed to go grocery shopping and I knew that once home I would not go out again. I chose to shop at Meijer (a Wal-mart type store). I walked the perimeter of the store (inside) for 30 minutes. I dodged families, carts & workers. I vaguely wondered if people noticed that I was walking the store instead of shopping, but I walked anyway.

That might not sound much like determination, but for me it was. I knew I needed to walk and I found a way to do it - even if I did look a tad dorky.

Day 2 - It feels a lot like Christmas...

Today, my youngest daughter decided to ride her bike as I walked:

It was a nippy 40 degrees Fahrenheit...she was a real trooper - rode her bike for a full 15 minutes before calling it quits. I made it for the full 30 minutes, but boy, were my toes frozen!

As much as it felt like Christmas outside, I know it is going to get colder! My winter plan is to drag the children along to the mall & walk for free. I am bribing them with the opportunity to play in the children's section when my time is up.

Despite being cold, it felt good to walk!

Day 1 - Thanksgiving 2012

My backyard before my walk, picture by K

Thanksgiving is an odd day to start a fitness journey, but as I said yesterday it is appropriate for me and my overwhelming desire to make life in our new home a better one.

My eldest went walking with me today. She delighted me with her imagination of the final judgement - large scales for different aspect of our lives & the outcome of each scale being added to a much larger scale that would determine our fate between Heaven and Hell. I asked about Jesus' atonement and she got pretty stumped. She knew Christ had died for us, but couldn't see how that made a difference when her life was being judged. As I would explain the atonement, she would reply, "But no one is perfect mom, so your life would still have smudges - no way around that. The best you could hope for is that Jesus would tip the scales a few points in your favor."

A part of me was sad & surprised that she saw our Savior that way, yet I knew this was a concept that would take time to understand - I am not sure I understand it. What I did express to her was that God was a loving God who would not let us waffle about with never a chance to succeed. I told her the important thing to remember was to do everything in our power to live a Christ like life, repent for the mistakes and sins we will make and then have the faith that God will take care of the rest. I also told her that without Christ, we could not make it. Heavenly Father knew this and that is why He sent His only begotten Son to us.

K said that would change the scales completely at the final judgement. I told her yes and I am thankful for it!

A most interesting chat on a day where we count our blessings and remember the importance of saying thanks for all that we have been given.

Here is my short list of things I am thankful for:
A daughter who freely shares her insights with me,
Children who enjoy being home schooled,
A family who plays & laughs together,
My husband's job that provides the food on our table, the roof over our head, the clothes we wear and the cars we drive,
The wonder of indoor plumbing and central heat,
Extended family and so many friends who love us & pray for us,
A healthy body which works and allows me to better my health by walking!
And, finally, a husband whom I find amazing after 14 1/2 years of marriage - I am so incredibly lucky to be married to him.

What are you thankful for?

A New Year

Even though it is autumn, something of spring seems more appropriate.

A year of Walking, a journey to inspire the mind, rejuvenate the soul, and strengthen the body, is my very humble attempt at a new blog and celebrating a new year. Yes, I realize the New Year actually begins in January, but for me, it is Thanksgiving Day.

One year ago today, my family pulled into our new home. It was dark and cold – we arrived close to 9pm. The house was thankfully warm, although unfurnished (our belongings would not arrive until the following week), but we brought pillows & blankets with us. It was a night of camping out as a family in our new family room.

It was the beginning of a new adventure…a new life…a new year. As with every move, I mourned the friends I left behind, the life I knew – the familiar & the comfortable. And, once again, I found myself putting aside the “old” me in the hopes of finding a “new” me. As with most moves, I soon re-learned that a “new” me is not possible until I choose to change the “old” me. Normally, it is a small process that takes a few months of trying new things and realizing the tried and true is just fine (with maybe a tweak or two).

However, this past year I did not go through the transition seamlessly (and I do not know why) as I mentioned in an earlier post about my depression, which you can read here. As I have slowly come out of this depression, and finally realized the “old” me is not a bad person who must be changed into a “new” creature, I have wondered what the next year will hold for me. Will I finally embrace our new home? Will I ever consider the Mid-West home as I do the South? The West?  The South-West?

As I have thrown myself back into homeschooling (and loving it), I have contemplated if this is all I am meant to do in this season of my life. Yes, I strongly believe there is a season for everything. When I was younger, it was school and work. Then I was a new bride and then a young mother. I am neither of those things now, yet, I yearn to be in a new season….my current one seems to be lasting forever.

My children are growing, their needs are changing, but am I growing and changing to meet those needs? Do I recognize that as I continue to struggle with the same problems over and over again that it is making an impact on my children? Am I living the life I was meant to live in the way I was meant to live it? How does one know if they are fulfilling their life’s mission or to put it another way: fulfilling the calling that God has asked them to do while they experience their mortal existence?

There are a few things I know about myself:

1)      Everything I have gone through has been for a purpose. I have grown because of those experiences.

2)      Many times my past experiences have enabled me to help others through similar problems. I have the ability (sometimes I feel like it is an uncanny ability) to share an extremely personal problem (like post partum depression) with someone only to find out that they are currently suffering the same problem.

3)      I have concluded that one of my callings in life is to talk, to share, to express what I feel, what I see and most importantly, what I have gone through with others.

So, not to sound to self-important (although I have probably already failed in that department!), this blog is my next season. I want to spend a year walking. Physically walking at least 5 times a week for 30 minutes because my doctor recently told me I needed to. But I am also hoping, that as I grow stronger in body that I will find what I fear I have lost: my spirit and my mind. I want to read & ponder. I want to study & pray. I want to share with others my successes & my failures, my hopes & dreams, and invite others to share my journey.

I have always focused on the destination, never the journey. This New Year in my new home, I want to focus on the journey and maybe, just maybe, become a “new” me while loving and keeping the “old” me.