Day 283: Aha moment and other insights

One of the things that I love about this journey is the opportunity to learn more about myself. I really believe if I understand who I am - the good, the bad and the ugly - then I can be a better me.

I posted a couple of days ago that I did not like what I saw in a dressing room mirror at the mall. To answer Ashlee's question - both; my body and my clothes. The shirt did not go as well as I thought with the pants, but I also looked old and fat. True, it was the end of a really long day, but still the picture shocked me.

I have been pondering since then why I look the way I do. I realized that since my parents visit I have not cooked a real meal - quick convenient foods, lots of cereal and eating out. This is not my normal or preferred way of eating. I am still walking, but I am not pushing myself like I have done in the past.

In fact, the last sentence should sound familiar because I am 99.99% certain I have said those exact words (or something close to it) off and on this past year on this blog. I am also fairly certain I have expressed that sentiment a lot since realizing a good 7 years ago that I was the exact weight of when I was pregnant with my third child. I have been yo-yoing that high weight with a weight that is about 15lbs lighter ever since .

I have lost the weight many times, but do not keep it off. The question is why? And quite honestly, I know it is all me. What am I doing to sabotage myself?

Here is the thing....each and every time I have stopped  it is shortly after I have received a direct compliment. Not a "you look nice today" compliment, but a "wow, you look great - your walking is helping, keep it up!"

I know, silly right? I get the imaginary gold star and then I quit!

Steve confirmed that he has noticed the same pattern. (He has also noticed that I tend to quit when I am criticized, but that topic is for another day.) He told me that he hesitates to compliment me because he does not want me to stop doing whatever it is that he noticed me doing - losing weight, eating healthy, walking, home schooling, spending time with the children, keeping the house, etc.

I would really like to know why some compliments trigger this reaction and others don't, but mainly I want to know how to over come it or use it to my advantage. I want to stop the cycle of working hard for the imaginary gold star and then just simply quitting. It is down right tiring, all this yo-yoing...and it probably isn't very healthy either.

But as G.I. Joe always says...knowing is half the battle! Now I have identified the problem, I should be able to deal with it.

Happy Walking!