Day 28: It's about Love

Today we had a chat with our children about the "Wear Pants to Church on Sunday" movement. You can read about it here. We felt we needed to explain the movement, our thoughts on it and what they can do if they find themselves in a similar situation.

The one thing we failed to mention was that at the end of the day, it doesn't matter if we agree with someone else's view or not - we need to still love them.

Now, I am not talking about family love or an intimate love, I am talking about brotherly love or charitable love or Christ-like love.

I learned a long time ago that if you lose the love then you have lost everything.

I learned this truth when I taught a lesson about Family Home Evening (FHE) ideas. (FHE is a weekly time for families to come together for fun & learning – usually a short lesson about the gospel, a fun activity and yummy dessert is involved). As I studied and researched for ideas to present, I came to the understanding that FHE is NOT about a length of time, a certain set of activities, a required amount of scriptures, songs or religious texts, and it isn’t even about a certain day (though most LDS families hold it on Monday evening). FHE was adopted by the church as a way to foster a greater amount of love between family members. Love; not songs, not scriptures, not desserts – love!

In my lesson, I did not give any ideas on how to teach a FHE lesson or incorporate a new scripture. I didn’t even talk about activities and dessert. My lesson was 100% about love. I stated that if your FHE was exactly 1 minute long, everyone in the family came together in love & left in love then it was a successful FHE. The moment an unkind word left someone’s lips – the purpose was blown. The moment someone yelled or got angry – the purpose was blown. The moment someone felt unloved (for any reason) – the purpose was blown.

Maybe a 1 minute FHE is a little ridiculous, but how many times have we strived to have the perfect “family” activity (be it FHE, an outing, project or something else) only to have it quickly spiral into something very un-family like: hate & anger.

Is it possible that we are doing the same thing (unwittingly, of course) at church? Is it possible the single member feels unwanted as we speak of marriage? Is it possible the member who attends church without their spouse feels unwanted as we speak of eternal marriage? Is it possible a member who does not have children or has problems with their children feel unwanted as we speak of eternal families? What of the young mother who struggles with being a mother – how does she feel when we speak of the joy of motherhood. I know a lot of women who do not enjoy Mother’s Day at church for a variety of reasons, but it all boils down to this: they do not feel loved for where they are at in life. Is it quite possible that by what we say or do that we make women feel less important at church?

If any of those scenarios are true then we as brothers and sisters in the gospel have blown it. We have failed at the number one duty that we have here on Earth – to extend God’s love to all of his children.
A new mom is struggling with a crying child – offer to hold the baby so the mom can listen to the speakers. Many new mom’s are not going to ask for help because they mistakenly think they have to do it all themselves or they have failed! If a sister (or brother) is attending church with children and another adult is not sitting with them – offer to help with some of the children. It could be as simple as saying, “hey, I am sitting behind you and if you must leave in the middle of the meeting, I will watch your other children for you.” I cannot think of a single person who would not inwardly think, “Thank goodness for the help.” They might not use the help, but they will be thankful for the help.

I can’t do much about people’s perceptions about women not being equal, but I can do something about ensuring that my words and actions reflect that I see women as equal…and men; and young adults; and singles; and married, but without children; and married, but attending church alone; and divorce; and…well, you get the picture.

At the end of the day, I wish I had worn pants or purple (the color to show solidarity) yesterday. I wish that I had shown solidarity, not because I feel unequal, but because I want my brothers and sisters to know that I love them.

Without love, we have blown it. Love is everything. And, it’s about Love!!!!