Day 32: Use it or lose it...or better in a new way

One of my greatest struggles in this life is to keep myself in the present and to enjoy the journey. I am very much like Luke Skywalker in The Empire Strikes Back on the planet Dagobah; with master Yoda saying "...as he looked always to the future, never his mind on where he was or what he was doing."

If I am not dreaming of the future (to the point of ignoring the present) then I am lost in the past - remembering the good, forgetting the bad and wishing to recapture that which I loved.

Today at church, we had an amazing lesson during Relief Society (the women's class). I don't remember the exact particulars, but one of the main points was that when we have our oil lamp full then we are prepared for the trials and tragedies of life.

For those who do not know/remember, the oil lamp is a reference to the parable of the 10 virgins. 5 virgins did not bring enough oil & were forced to go buy more while waiting for the bridegroom. Unfortunately, the bridegroom came while the 5 virgins were attempting to get some more oil. They asked the other 5 virgins to share, but the 5 virgins with enough oil declined to help stating that if they did they would not be able to attend the wedding either.

The way I have always seen the parable is that when it comes to those eternal things - like our testimonies - we are unable to share with others, meaning my testimony is not going to get someone else into heaven. I can share my testimony in the sense to uplift others, but they must have their own testimony and faith.

This idea can be applied to other ideas such as losing weight and getting healthy. No one else can be healthy for me. No one else can lose weight for me. That is up to me. I can be inspired by others, but at the end of the day it is up to me to get the work done.

Today, however, I gained a new perspective to the oil lamps.

When we are blessed with a gift - a gift of health, a gift of spirit or a gift of mind - we need to nurture, take care of and protect those gifts. When we fail to do so we have the potential of losing those gifts - partially or completely. Of course, it is possible to do everything "perfect" and still lose those gifts, but that is for a different post!!!

Let me give an example, several years ago I was on a spiritual high. My schedule was such that I was able to spend a good hour each day studying the scriptures. I did not realize at the time the gift I was given. Unfortunately, I lost that gift through my own actions. I read a book that was not in keeping with the spirit. The scriptures tell us that the spirit will not dwell in unclean places. I was very naive when it came to this particular point and the power of written words. The spirit prompted me 3 times to put the book down. I chose to ignore it. By the time the book was done the spirit had left me. It was at that moment that I realized what I had and what I lost.

Since that time I have struggled to gain back the spirit to that exact same level I had before I lost it. In many ways I feel that it is an impossible task.

For the last week or so I my lower back and right hip have been bothering me. Walking did not cause the problem, but my walking has been affected by it. Once, a long, long, long time ago before children, I was in decent shape - no aches or pains - hmmm, perhaps age has something to do with this story as well! I do know that for a lot of years after my children were born I chose to ignore my body - I didn't exercise or stretch, I didn't eat right and I sure as heck was not getting enough sleep! As a result, my lower back began to hurt. I did stretches for awhile and it felt better... so I quit! Then, my lower back and right hip began to hurt so I did stretches for awhile and I started to feel better...so I quit! Now, it is my lower back, right hip and sometimes my right knee or shins.

Do you see where I am headed? I had a gift of good health, didn't take care of it and now it is gone. I have to work twice as hard (or harder) in the vain attempt to gain back what may be impossible to gain back - the health and fitness of my early 30's.

At this point, you and I may wonder what is the point of even trying. It sounds pretty hopeless doesn't it?

At first, today at church, I thought the whole truth for me to learn was to truly appreciate what I have in the here and now. And I still believe that is a truth worth knowing and acting upon. Much better to recognize the spirit in my life and keep it. Much better to recognize my good health and keep it.

Yet, there is more to the lesson. A wonderful sister pointed out to me that perhaps in my mind I am very far away from where I once was, but in reality am much closer (think of peaks and valleys, but the valleys never go as low so you are slowly getting closer to that peak). I like this thought. That thought brings hope. That thought helps to study the scriptures when I am tired. That thought helps to put on my shoes when I don't feel like walking (or stretching). Hope that I can achieve my goals.

As I have pondered that thought today, I realized there is one more aspect. Sometimes, we don't get back what we lost, but instead gain even more or the result is something even better.

Quick examples: I have a wonderful friend who is my age, has 3 children and looks better than she did in college. I have the pictures to prove it, too! She had to work hard to be in the shape she is in today. She did not gain back her "old" body after having 3 children, she gained something even better. (This example also leaves me with no excuses!!!)

Or perhaps something has occurred in a relationship, like marriage, that at first appears beyond damage or hope. Perhaps even terminating the relationship, such as divorce, is thought the only means to solve the problem...but what if, both parties put in a lot of work. A lot of forgiveness. A lot of communication and in the end the relationship is so much stronger and better than it ever was in the beginning?

What if, spiritually, it is possible to gain a stronger testimony or a firmer faith than what I had before I lost the spirit. What if, through a lot of hard work, commitment, diligence and prayer, the Lord chooses to bless me in ways that I can not begin to fathom? What if, the end result is so much better than the beginning?

And in the immortal words of master Yoda, "Do or do not, there is no try." And I would add to that, as we do, we are blessed  and as we are blessed we gain more than we ever had before. So, please, cherish that oil lamp, but also refill it daily so that it overflows with more oil than ever before.