Day 40: It's A Wonderful Life

When is the last time you watched the original "It's A Wonderful Life" starring Jimmy Stewart? I watched it tonight with my family - we own the original in black & white.

I have loved this film forever....well, since the very first time I ever saw it; which was so long ago I don't even remember the first time I saw it!

Steve had never seen it before and agreed to watch it tonight. He loved it - which I knew he would. The children loved it - which I knew they would. I cried - which I knew I would.

I love watching this movie close to the new year because it reminds me to be grateful for my life, count my blessings and look forward to a future rich with friends and family.

Since I am human, I have no way of knowing how my life has touched the lives of others. A kind word or deed. A much needed phone call or letter. Maybe just a smile or a friendly hello. I really have no idea...yet, I know how others have touched my  life.

I know how important kind words, sincere compliments and thank you cards have meant to me over the years. I know how important emails, phone calls & text messages have been. I know how much an invitation to dinner or girls night out or a play date for my children was needed and appreciated. I know there have been many angels (seen & unseen) in my life. I am thankful for all of them.

Sometimes I think it would be nice to have the same opportunity George Bailey had - to see life as it would be if I had never been born. What would change or be different? But deep down, down where it really counts. I don't really want to see that alternate life - a life that doesn't have me married to Steve. A life where my 3 children wouldn't exist. I would not like that life.

So, instead, I will do the next best thing and perhaps the whole point of the movie...count my blessings, live my values and be a friend to all.

It IS a wonderful life!

Day 39: Nothing Profound

Nothing profound. Just wanted to do a quick check in. Last Sunday of December and 2012...end of the year is always a mixture of looking back with fondness and  look forward with anticipation. Seems odd that this year I will not be making a New Year's Resolution...since I am already working on one!

Day 38: Everything is connected

Not really sure if I have talked about this before or not...so forgive me if I have.

It is virtually impossible to work on one area, improve one aspect, focus on one thing without it affecting in someway the rest of your life. I say virtually, because if I made the absolute statement that it was impossible, someone somewhere would prove me wrong. So, do not feel that you need to prove me wrong.

I am walking for a year. I am walking to put my doctors challenge to the test: that all I need is to walk briskly for 30 minutes, 5 days a week to lose the 10 - 15 lbs of extra weight.

In a perfect, laboratory controlled atmosphere, I would keep everything else absolutely the same and only walk for 30 minutes, 5 days a week.

I don't live in a laboratory controlled atmosphere. I live in the real world. Would mind trying out that laboratory controlled environment if that meant less work on me, but if there was less work on me than that would negate the whole premise of only changing one aspect. Hmmm... looks like regardless I would be cleaning & cooking for 5 people!

As I have been walking (successfully I might add) this past month little things have been affected - muscles are sore. Yes, I still have sore muscles, but that is for two reasons: 1 - because I am starting from a negative spot (as in my physical ability is less than zero) and 2 - several weeks ago I wrenched my back and hip muscles (I believe it happened when I carried my vacuum cleaner up and down the stairs).

Since my muscles are sore, I am stretching. At first, I was stretching to ease the soreness, but now I find I am craving the stretches as much as I crave walking. I mean, I have at 9pm walked and stretched because I didn't have a chance to get it done yet. I felt an overwhelming need to accomplish those two tasks (because I made a commitment, but also because I wanted to).

Wow! I wanted to walk. I wanted to stretch. That is a huge leap for such a short time. I want to use my muscles. I want to be physically active. It just kind of boggles my mind.

I have seen other little things changing as well. I am slowly starting to drink more water - I didn't realize how dehydrated I had allowed myself to get. I crave the water at breakfast, while I am walking and right after I stretch. I am not drinking nearly as much as I should...but I drink a little bit more each day.

I am enjoying these changes that seem so natural and seamless...I am curious what else may change over the course of this year, but I am striving not to dwell on it too much. Just want to enjoy what I have right now.

Day 37: 5 Gratitudes for Friday, 3

1. I love my iPod Shuffle! Steve got me one for Christmas (the children got one too) and he ensured it was already pre-loaded with a ton of family favorites. I love that I can have music with me where ever I go - doing the laundry in the basement, cleaning, cooking, walking (when I walk without the children), stretching, and etc. I love music. Music instantly lifts me up and gets me all jazzed and ready for my day. (A little secret - sometimes I will even make up my own songs and pretend I am in a musical...no seriously, I do this.) I honestly feel like this already too cold and too long winter is a little brighter because I have music where ever and when ever I want.

2. Attending a baptism with my youngest daughter. One of her friends was baptized tonight and we attended together. I really enjoy being one-on-one with  my children. I enjoy attending events that support them, support their friends and feeling the spirit is a huge added bonus.

3. Two thoroughly clean bedrooms, 3 thoroughly clean beds and 3 "as clean as they possibly can be" children. Z's room is not 100% done, but done enough that I feel I got the job accomplished. Still not sure what caused the bug bites...did I mention this already? If not....This past Sunday all 3 children woke up with a ton of bug bites - looked like something used them as a late night buffet. I have no idea what the culprit might be - very few places the children have been that Steve and I have not. However, since cleaning bedrooms, no new bug bites have been reported. I hope that means we killed what was bothering them (or at least chased it out of the rooms).

4. Steve working from home. I love having him home - even when he messes up my schedule or plans, because the benefit of having him around out weighs in minor inconveniences. I really miss having him work from home full time.

5. Walking. I love walking. I love using my muscles. I love feeling alive. I love the strength and power that is slowly being reawakened in my legs. (and I love it even more now that I have an iPod!)

Day 36: Plans work...

Plans work great...as long as you keep to your plan!

I have been so busy cleaning bedrooms that I have not kept to my morning plan of walking. I have all this week and part of last week been walking at night at my house. Not fun.

I really prefer walking in the morning. I have energy all day, I don't have to try and cram it in at night and it just makes more sense.

So, cross my fingers, tonight was my last night of walking!

Yet, at the end of the journey I guess it only matters that I walked every day - not that I walked in the morning.

Day 35: Reality sets in...

I was very hopeful last night as I crawled into bed that today would be an easy going day - no school, no Christmas...just a day to recover. Ha!

Late last night my youngest woke up sick. She slept off and on all day. Poor thing.
All 3 children have bug bites up and down them, but mostly on their arms. I can't figure out where they have been and what they have been doing.
Yet, I didn't want to ignore an obvious conclusion - they got the bites while sleeping, so I started pulling beds apart to do some deep cleaning.

Ugh. It has been a long and crazy day!!!

I forgot to walk this morning...about to do it now. Thankfully, my darling husband bought me an ipod shuffle (and pre-loaded it) so I have some cool tunes while I walk the house!

Here is hoping tomorrow is better!!!!

Day 34: Merry Christmas!

Merry Christmas to everyone! Hope you had a most wonderful day - I know I did...in fact, the whole family did!

I did get my walk in...the ham baked and I walked! That is pretty good multi tasking!

More tomorrow...time for me to enjoy my children and their presents!

Day 33: I love Christmas Eve!

Not matter how I am feeling through out the month of December, I am always excited on Christmas Eve! There is just something so fun and wonderful and magical about that night. I love surprises and Christmas is a day of surprises!

This year, I am particularly excited because tonight I get the privilege of introducing my oldest to a tradition that started when I was 12 - playing Santa's helper.

It is going to be so cool. Santa will have already come & gone, but K will be the helper who puts a fun surprise into Steve's stocking. She hasn't said anything this year about "who Santa really is", but she said enough last year that we know that she knows.

This is a fun way of letting her in on the fun. My grandmother and older brother did it for me and I have loved Santa Clause all the more for it. I am hoping it will be true for K as well.

As for walking...well, today was one of the hardest days to get it in, but I did!!! I have made a promise to myself and I just can't break that promise. Not now, not when I am doing so well.

Merry Christmas!

Day 32: Use it or lose it...or better in a new way

One of my greatest struggles in this life is to keep myself in the present and to enjoy the journey. I am very much like Luke Skywalker in The Empire Strikes Back on the planet Dagobah; with master Yoda saying "...as he looked always to the future, never his mind on where he was or what he was doing."

If I am not dreaming of the future (to the point of ignoring the present) then I am lost in the past - remembering the good, forgetting the bad and wishing to recapture that which I loved.

Today at church, we had an amazing lesson during Relief Society (the women's class). I don't remember the exact particulars, but one of the main points was that when we have our oil lamp full then we are prepared for the trials and tragedies of life.

For those who do not know/remember, the oil lamp is a reference to the parable of the 10 virgins. 5 virgins did not bring enough oil & were forced to go buy more while waiting for the bridegroom. Unfortunately, the bridegroom came while the 5 virgins were attempting to get some more oil. They asked the other 5 virgins to share, but the 5 virgins with enough oil declined to help stating that if they did they would not be able to attend the wedding either.

The way I have always seen the parable is that when it comes to those eternal things - like our testimonies - we are unable to share with others, meaning my testimony is not going to get someone else into heaven. I can share my testimony in the sense to uplift others, but they must have their own testimony and faith.

This idea can be applied to other ideas such as losing weight and getting healthy. No one else can be healthy for me. No one else can lose weight for me. That is up to me. I can be inspired by others, but at the end of the day it is up to me to get the work done.

Today, however, I gained a new perspective to the oil lamps.

When we are blessed with a gift - a gift of health, a gift of spirit or a gift of mind - we need to nurture, take care of and protect those gifts. When we fail to do so we have the potential of losing those gifts - partially or completely. Of course, it is possible to do everything "perfect" and still lose those gifts, but that is for a different post!!!

Let me give an example, several years ago I was on a spiritual high. My schedule was such that I was able to spend a good hour each day studying the scriptures. I did not realize at the time the gift I was given. Unfortunately, I lost that gift through my own actions. I read a book that was not in keeping with the spirit. The scriptures tell us that the spirit will not dwell in unclean places. I was very naive when it came to this particular point and the power of written words. The spirit prompted me 3 times to put the book down. I chose to ignore it. By the time the book was done the spirit had left me. It was at that moment that I realized what I had and what I lost.

Since that time I have struggled to gain back the spirit to that exact same level I had before I lost it. In many ways I feel that it is an impossible task.

For the last week or so I my lower back and right hip have been bothering me. Walking did not cause the problem, but my walking has been affected by it. Once, a long, long, long time ago before children, I was in decent shape - no aches or pains - hmmm, perhaps age has something to do with this story as well! I do know that for a lot of years after my children were born I chose to ignore my body - I didn't exercise or stretch, I didn't eat right and I sure as heck was not getting enough sleep! As a result, my lower back began to hurt. I did stretches for awhile and it felt better... so I quit! Then, my lower back and right hip began to hurt so I did stretches for awhile and I started to feel better...so I quit! Now, it is my lower back, right hip and sometimes my right knee or shins.

Do you see where I am headed? I had a gift of good health, didn't take care of it and now it is gone. I have to work twice as hard (or harder) in the vain attempt to gain back what may be impossible to gain back - the health and fitness of my early 30's.

At this point, you and I may wonder what is the point of even trying. It sounds pretty hopeless doesn't it?

At first, today at church, I thought the whole truth for me to learn was to truly appreciate what I have in the here and now. And I still believe that is a truth worth knowing and acting upon. Much better to recognize the spirit in my life and keep it. Much better to recognize my good health and keep it.

Yet, there is more to the lesson. A wonderful sister pointed out to me that perhaps in my mind I am very far away from where I once was, but in reality am much closer (think of peaks and valleys, but the valleys never go as low so you are slowly getting closer to that peak). I like this thought. That thought brings hope. That thought helps to study the scriptures when I am tired. That thought helps to put on my shoes when I don't feel like walking (or stretching). Hope that I can achieve my goals.

As I have pondered that thought today, I realized there is one more aspect. Sometimes, we don't get back what we lost, but instead gain even more or the result is something even better.

Quick examples: I have a wonderful friend who is my age, has 3 children and looks better than she did in college. I have the pictures to prove it, too! She had to work hard to be in the shape she is in today. She did not gain back her "old" body after having 3 children, she gained something even better. (This example also leaves me with no excuses!!!)

Or perhaps something has occurred in a relationship, like marriage, that at first appears beyond damage or hope. Perhaps even terminating the relationship, such as divorce, is thought the only means to solve the problem...but what if, both parties put in a lot of work. A lot of forgiveness. A lot of communication and in the end the relationship is so much stronger and better than it ever was in the beginning?

What if, spiritually, it is possible to gain a stronger testimony or a firmer faith than what I had before I lost the spirit. What if, through a lot of hard work, commitment, diligence and prayer, the Lord chooses to bless me in ways that I can not begin to fathom? What if, the end result is so much better than the beginning?

And in the immortal words of master Yoda, "Do or do not, there is no try." And I would add to that, as we do, we are blessed  and as we are blessed we gain more than we ever had before. So, please, cherish that oil lamp, but also refill it daily so that it overflows with more oil than ever before.

Day 31: Dragging my feet

The world outside is covered in snow and ice. Inside is warm and cozy. The family room is a disaster from the aftermath of the children's sleeping under the lights last night. And I am in a lazy mood.

I gave myself permission to sleep in this morning - a huge mistake - and my day has been off ever since. I think I managed to finally get dressed around lunchtime; I was much to busy reading, playing sudoku and watching cartoons.

It is evening and I have just realized that I managed to blow off all my responsibilities, including walking.

Not to worry, as I lay here my muscles (and brain) are itching for that walk. I think we will do a whirlwind clean up and then walk the house (again)!

And maybe, just maybe, I can remember next Saturday that I can not sleep in!!!

Day 30: Five Gratitudes for Friday, 2

1. Snow!!!! Snow as an adult is  not always fun...well, it is fun for adults who love to ski and enjoy other winter sports, but for us poor fools who prefer hot chocolate and warm fire snow is not always fun. Yet, snow as a child has got to be the coolest thing ever! We got our first snowfall of the season late yesterday afternoon. My children ran in and out of the house all day today. Snow, experienced with a child is always fun.

2. My mom. Not only is my mom very cool and smart, but she always seems to have the answers - I don't know how she does it  because I am a mom and I do not have all the answers! (It is debatable if I am as cool and as smart as my own mother). BTW, mom, thank you for your advice with Zack & reading. I have been doing some research at the library & think I have found the answer.

3. Muscles. I love the fact that my muscles want to move. Have you ever experienced that feeling? Is that perfectly normal? Sometimes, I can almost see with my mind's eye my body doing some amazing things - like a cartwheel (yeah, I don't know how to do one in real life). If I "listen" to that "prompt" and move my body then I always feel 100% better. always. I find it amazing that our bodies want to move and our muscles want to be used.

4. The modern conveniences of life. Seriously. Do you realize how cool it is to nuke a cup of water for hot chocolate? or take a warm shower inside the house at any time of the day? I mean, we have to be some of the luckiest/most blessed people of all the ages to have so many "little" modern conveniences. I personally, love central heating & cooling, refrigerators/freezers, washers & dryers, running water, indoor toilets, and television (I can easily be a t.v. junkie).

5. It is only 4 more days till Christmas! I can't wait!!! I love Christmas. I love counting down. I love giving presents. And this year, we are introducing K to the joy of being Santa's elf. When I was K's age, my grandmother awoke me very late on Christmas Eve to have me play Santa's elf - I put a package of candy (peanut brittle, I think, it came in a large pink tub) in my mom's stocking. Santa had already come to the house. The next morning, my mom kept trying to figure out how the candy got in her stocking. It was great & I loved it. I knew the "secret" of Santa and I loved helping out every year playing Santa's elf. I can not wait to share this with my oldest.

Day 29: Snow, Snow, Snow!!!

It snowed today! My children are so ecstatic - not only have they been outside to play, but they are keeping a constant vigil by the window to check how deep the snow is "now". You would think the amount of snow falling tonight would have direct impact on them attending school tomorrow!

Well, maybe not school, but walking at the mall will certainly be canceled if enough snow falls or the roads are too icy or...I think it is just to darn cold to walk to the car! (okay, maybe not the last one...)

Thankfully, I have a plan in place - walking at home. This plan is not ideal.

1 - It gets boring fast.
2 - The children do less walking and more "lets mess with mom while she is walking". They will try to hang on to me, impede my path, crawl between my legs, and etc... it is annoying, but I do try to keep it light and funny.
3 - Did I mention boring?
4 - Not enough space to get a really good momentum.
5 - Can be easily distracted.

Despite these drawbacks, walking at home is better than laying in bed all day, sitting around reading a book all day, staring mindlessly at a television or computer screen, and basically turning into a couch potato.

Nothing wrong with couch potatoes - I just don't want to be one anymore!

Here is hoping for another 30 minutes of walking tomorrow!!!

Day 28: It's about Love

Today we had a chat with our children about the "Wear Pants to Church on Sunday" movement. You can read about it here. We felt we needed to explain the movement, our thoughts on it and what they can do if they find themselves in a similar situation.

The one thing we failed to mention was that at the end of the day, it doesn't matter if we agree with someone else's view or not - we need to still love them.

Now, I am not talking about family love or an intimate love, I am talking about brotherly love or charitable love or Christ-like love.

I learned a long time ago that if you lose the love then you have lost everything.

I learned this truth when I taught a lesson about Family Home Evening (FHE) ideas. (FHE is a weekly time for families to come together for fun & learning – usually a short lesson about the gospel, a fun activity and yummy dessert is involved). As I studied and researched for ideas to present, I came to the understanding that FHE is NOT about a length of time, a certain set of activities, a required amount of scriptures, songs or religious texts, and it isn’t even about a certain day (though most LDS families hold it on Monday evening). FHE was adopted by the church as a way to foster a greater amount of love between family members. Love; not songs, not scriptures, not desserts – love!

In my lesson, I did not give any ideas on how to teach a FHE lesson or incorporate a new scripture. I didn’t even talk about activities and dessert. My lesson was 100% about love. I stated that if your FHE was exactly 1 minute long, everyone in the family came together in love & left in love then it was a successful FHE. The moment an unkind word left someone’s lips – the purpose was blown. The moment someone yelled or got angry – the purpose was blown. The moment someone felt unloved (for any reason) – the purpose was blown.

Maybe a 1 minute FHE is a little ridiculous, but how many times have we strived to have the perfect “family” activity (be it FHE, an outing, project or something else) only to have it quickly spiral into something very un-family like: hate & anger.

Is it possible that we are doing the same thing (unwittingly, of course) at church? Is it possible the single member feels unwanted as we speak of marriage? Is it possible the member who attends church without their spouse feels unwanted as we speak of eternal marriage? Is it possible a member who does not have children or has problems with their children feel unwanted as we speak of eternal families? What of the young mother who struggles with being a mother – how does she feel when we speak of the joy of motherhood. I know a lot of women who do not enjoy Mother’s Day at church for a variety of reasons, but it all boils down to this: they do not feel loved for where they are at in life. Is it quite possible that by what we say or do that we make women feel less important at church?

If any of those scenarios are true then we as brothers and sisters in the gospel have blown it. We have failed at the number one duty that we have here on Earth – to extend God’s love to all of his children.
A new mom is struggling with a crying child – offer to hold the baby so the mom can listen to the speakers. Many new mom’s are not going to ask for help because they mistakenly think they have to do it all themselves or they have failed! If a sister (or brother) is attending church with children and another adult is not sitting with them – offer to help with some of the children. It could be as simple as saying, “hey, I am sitting behind you and if you must leave in the middle of the meeting, I will watch your other children for you.” I cannot think of a single person who would not inwardly think, “Thank goodness for the help.” They might not use the help, but they will be thankful for the help.

I can’t do much about people’s perceptions about women not being equal, but I can do something about ensuring that my words and actions reflect that I see women as equal…and men; and young adults; and singles; and married, but without children; and married, but attending church alone; and divorce; and…well, you get the picture.

At the end of the day, I wish I had worn pants or purple (the color to show solidarity) yesterday. I wish that I had shown solidarity, not because I feel unequal, but because I want my brothers and sisters to know that I love them.

Without love, we have blown it. Love is everything. And, it’s about Love!!!!

Day 27: S's birthday

Today is my youngest daughter's birthday. It has been a wonderful day!

We did not go walking at the mall, so I walked inside the house - not ideal, but I did walk the full 30 minutes!

Hope everyone is having a great day - I am off to have a slumber party with the birthday girl!

Day 26: Wearing Pants

My thoughts today are very far from walking, but I hope my thoughts are very much a part of my journey.

Yesterday (Sunday, Dec. 16^th), a number of woman wore pants to church.

The sentence seems a little odd, doesn’t it? There are a large number of churches /denominations where women wear pants to church on a regular (if not permanent) basis. Pants can be modest and quite elegant. Pants are also very much an acceptable form of clothing and have been for all of my life.

In The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints a woman wearing pants on Sunday to Sacrament meeting is…well, almost never heard of. Is it wrong? No. Is it against our religion? No. Will the act of wearing pants get a woman sent home or excommunicated? No. It will; however, possibly, maybe, get a woman a lot of questions, comments and looks. But then again, no one may even notice.

The whole issue yesterday was not if a woman can or should wear pants to church. The issue was equality.

This is an issue I honestly do not understand. I, as a woman, have never felt unequal to anyone at church. I have felt inadequate, but not unequal.

Let me explain. Sometime in my teens I became acutely aware that I did not dress as other girls my age. The majority of young women I attended church with wore the most fashionable clothes, had a large assortment of stylish shoes & handbags and wore perfectly coifed hair & make up. I did not. Partly my family did not have the money and partly because I was not interested. (I must note that when we lived on Saipan I did not feel this way, but Saipan is a completely different culture to the United States.)

This inadequacy continued into college where I felt the difference even more acutely; especially when everyone else had someone to go on dates with and I did not (never mind that the majority of people knew I had a boyfriend “back home”).

I had always perceived myself as a girly-girl – very feminine, yet during college I started to wonder if perhaps I was really not feminine (my husband laughs at this).

Attending church was hard. Heck, going to work and school was hard too! I had low self-esteem. I had a shallow vision of myself and I looked to the world to better myself. It did not work. No matter how hard I tried to be current & stylish, wear makeup and nail polish…I felt like a phony. I felt inadequate. I felt I was still invisible.

During my second year of marriage, I announced to Steve I was done wearing makeup. He shrugged and said he didn’t understand why I wore it in the first place. I slowly started buying and wearing clothes that I felt flattered my figure instead of what were “current” styles. I slowly asserted myself to others – speaking my mind, answering questions, volunteering, and etc.

Slowly I stopped feeling completely inadequate and completely invisible.

After the birth of my children, I again felt inadequate and invisible. Other women seemed to do so much more than me after they had children. I wondered if I was doing something wrong. Now, I understand that my post-partum depression played a big part in those feelings.

Despite studying the scriptures, saying my prayers and attending church regularly, after we moved to Arizona I was sad all the time – I would cry at the drop of a hat. A wonderful Bishop suggested that I study a General Conference talk (subject matter was up to me). I chose a great talk by Elder Nelson M. Maxwell, which you can read here.

I studied this talk for 6 months. If he made a reference to a scripture or another source, I studied it. If there were footnotes and cross references to those scriptures and sources, I studied it. If there was a word I didn’t understand, I studied it until I understood it. Those 6 months were the highlight of my life. I felt that I had found true beauty (I use to call it my beauty routine). I felt that I mattered. I felt visible and equal. I felt loved.

Once again, I find myself struggling with feelings of inadequacy…but that is because I have forgotten the lessons from long ago. It wasn’t the article or talk or scriptures that made the difference it was how much time I spent with the Lord – being connected to His spirit and grace. How much I was inviting the spirit into my life made all the difference in the world.

Yesterday, when I saw a friend wearing pants, I was surprised – she seems so much more put together than I do. She was kind enough to share her story with me. I had feelings of inadequacy from within, she had others suggesting verbally that women in general were somehow inadequate. Yet, we both found the comfort and answers we needed from the Lord.

I am still not sure I completely understand or agree with the “wear pants to church on Sunday” as a movement to bring equality to church. I think wearing pants to church is like wearing a dress to church – you wear what you feel is modest, appropriate, respectful to the Lord and invites the spirit into your heart.

I do think if others (women and men) feel there is inequality within the LDS religion that an open dialogue needs to take place – along with a lot of personal soul searching. I can’t change how others feel, but I can change how I feel.

I may not have felt inadequate or invisible by what others have said & done, but I do understand the desire to be seen, heard, recognized and counted.

Here are some links that helped me to understand this movement:

 

Joanna Brooks - I have read a number of articles written by Brooks on this subject, but this is my favorite by far. There are several links at the end of this article which are worth viewing as well. My favorite two are here and here.

Women in the Scriptures - an awesome blog, but this post is what got me started on this whole thought journey of wearing pants to church!

Day 25: First hurdle complete

I have a tendency to have great gusto when starting a project, but I quickly will give up or lose interest...unless I have a plan and a clear goal in mind.

I have started this journey before. I didn't make it very far before problems popped up, you can read about it here and here. Honestly, I didn't get much farther after that last post...I think the whole journey lasted a month, maybe?

What I do know about myself is that I have certain hurdles: 3 weeks, 3 months...and then I am not sure after that!

I know I stumble at the 3 week mark because I participate in a monthly challenge with my friend Ashlee. We have chosen certain things to work on and have assigned a point system to each item. I will start the month on fire - getting a  point for almost everything on the list. Then somewhere around the 3rd week I stop paying attention, stop trying and just plain stop. Then at the beginning of the 4th week I realize that I faltered and attempt to get back on track...just in time to be on fire for the beginning of the new month!

Ashlee has helped me get past the 3rd week hurdle - a mid month check to see who is ahead in points. Seeing where I line up against Ashlee motivates me to continue to do my best for the rest of the month. I will be honest, I was nervous that I would falter this past week in walking. Not only was it my third week, but I also had sick children and I had very sore muscles (back & hip).

I am beyond ecstatic that I walked - every day! I know that 3 weeks is a long ways away from 1 year, but once again I am celebrating the journey - the journey of making it past my first hurdle, the journey of walking when it is hard, the journey of walking with my children, the journey of walking when I am sore, and the journey of walking and knowing that deep down I am loving it!

Day 24: Problems & goals

This morning was an interesting mix of determination and learning to go with the flow. Going with the flow is something I don't always do well. On the surface it may look like I am calm about the sudden change in (my) plans, but underneath I am in turmoil...hmm...maybe I am more like a river than I realized!

Here are the list of "problems" that I faced at 6am (as I write this I realize the problems were not really problems, but at 6am the items felt like problems):

1. Car full of Toys for Tot toy donations.
2. Steve's car full of Christmas and birthday presents that needed to be wrapped before he left for his date with K.
3. Rain.
4. Sore hip/lower back.
5. An icky feeling (due to gas...gosh, full disclosure is sometimes embarrassing).

The goal:

1. Walk for 30 minutes

The result:

1. I rearranged my schedule from the moment I jumped (well, stumbled bleary eyed) out of bed.
2. All problems resolved and all goals met.

How I did it:

1. Wrapped gifts before anyone else was awake in the house (just barely made it too!)
2. Did some simple stretches for my hip & lower back. (more on that another day)
3. Chose to walk at the house instead of the mall. This was kind of interesting because the house is not quite large enough to walk laps without getting completely bored. Sometimes I think a treadmill would be nice, but I don't want to spend the money on one! The reason I chose to do this was it eliminated the problem of toys in the van & dealing with the rain (no, I won't melt, but I also didn't want to get cold & wet.), but to also try out the feasibility of walking in the house. I know at some point this winter the snow & ice will force me to stay home - on those days I still want to get my walk in.
4. I alternated between walking in place & walking laps on the main floor for 15 minutes. My son happily encouraged me by pushing against me as I walked in place (he called it strength training) and blocking off different routes to force me to find alternate paths for my laps (not sure why he did this, but he was laughing like crazy the whole time).
5. I then ate a small meal & showered. I was hoping it would help me feel better, which it did.
6. I again alternated between walking in place & walking laps for 15 minutes, but this time the laps were on the 2nd level (and my son did not help me).

Day 23: Five Gratitudes for Friday

I have been pondering all week since I wrote my gratitude post; in fact, I was pondering while I wrote that post, how I can add more gratitude in my life.

My mother once suggested writing in my journal every day the things that I have been blessed with, I have read of others keeping a gratitude journal, and on one of my best friends started the tradition of Thankful Thursdays (you can read about it here...hope you don't mind Ashlee!).

Along with wanting to express more gratitude, I have toyed with the idea of borrowing an idea from a wonderful blog, Women in the Scriptures. The blog is great place to learn and be inspired by the scriptures and specifically, by the women in the scriptures. One of the features of the blog is, five things for Friday. I remember the blog's author stating once that the idea was not hers originally...so I guess it is o.k. that I am borrowing it!

This is what I have decided - combine the two ideas. Five Gratitudes for Friday. Hopefully it will be a benefit to me and perhaps others will enjoy it as well.

1. Old Christmas movies. I gotta tell ya, I love old movies, but old Christmas movies are probably my favorite. I love this time of year because I can watch White Christmas, Miracle on 34th Street, It's A Wonderful Life and so  many others. The movies are fun, but they are also uplifting and well, for me, they invite the spirit into my home.

2. Christmas traditions, old and new. Some of our traditions include a Christmas book (you can read about it here), buying and donating toys for the Marine Corps Toys for Tots, watching Christmas movies, driving around the neighborhood singing Christmas carols and enjoying the Christmas lights, making our own Christmas trees every year and I write a Christmas letter every year (which always reminds me of my Grandma Doris).

3. Sore muscles. I don't like sore muscles, but I am thankful for them. It means that I am using my muscles. If I am using my muscles, then my muscles are getting stronger. And if my muscles are getting stronger than I am getting healthier.

4. A house big enough to have friends over. As I write this, Steve is hanging out with some of his friends - laughing, joking and playing board games. It doesn't matter if it is my friends, the children's friends or Steve's friends I love having a house big enough to entertain - to be filled with the sounds of laughter.

5. Empathy for those who are suffering. The children and I today said a special prayer for the many people affected by the terrible tragedy at the Connecticut school. I truly hope and pray they can find comfort and solace. I am thankful my children have big hearts and wanted to do something for the victims - I could only offer my children hugs and the suggestion of a prayer. 

Day 22: We walked

Not sure what to say...actually, that is not true. I have a ton in my head, but it is already past my bedtime. I will have to share another day!

We walked, I am sore (pulled a muscle in my back), but we walked! That is what counts.

Hope everyone is enjoying their holiday season - seems like the month is just flying by!

Day 21: A nice surprise

K finally got a picture of Z being led past the "danger" in the mall (which you can read here). If you look close you can see Z has one of his eyes slightly open...I had a feeling he was peeking whenever I tried to snap a picture! He does, however, have his head turned away from the offending store.

We have been walking at the mall for almost 3 weeks now and the others walkers have taken notice.

At first it was just quizzical looks and polite smiles, then it moved onto a friendly nod or a quick "good morning."

I knew we had become a some what permanent part of the walking crowd when some of the other walkers started asking questions. My favorite was from an older gentleman that just bluntly asked me how the children could stay out of school for so long. I, of course, explained that we home school. Ever since that conversation, this gentleman takes the time to chat with us and I frequently hear him tell other walkers that we are home schoolers (normally he is retelling our conversation with great gusto).

Everyone, so far, has been friendly, kind to the children and politely interested in our homeschool P.E./walk.

Today, today, I knew that many more people have been quietly watching us and more than likely forming some opinions.

There is one area of the mall where the majority of the walkers hang out (either before or after walking) and that is the food court. Today, as the children and I walked the perimeter of the food court, a gentleman (probably around my age) stopped me to let me know that he admired what I was doing.

I don't remember his exact words, but basically he admired what I was doing, admired what I was doing with the children...having them walk and get some physical exercise, not letting them be plugged into electronics, homeschooling them and reading to them.

I politely thanked him. I might have said more, but I was, honestly, surprised - flattered, pleased, happy, but surprised as well. How could he possibly admire me for all those things when all I do is walk for 30 minutes and then let the children play for 30 minutes?

I finally figured it out this afternoon. None of us wear ipods or other music playing devices while we walk. We walk & talk and the children make up games (like hopscotch across the different colored tiles). If a child does not want to run around and play then I read out loud to them the book that I am currently reading. And, of course, I have told several walkers (not the gentleman who gave me the wonderful compliment) that I home school and I consider the mall walking our P.E.

I am very thankful that my children are well behaved in public. I am thankful that thus far we have put forth a positive image of home schoolers. I am thankful for the many people who have chosen to chat with us as we walk around the mall. I am thankful for the compliment today - it was a boost I very much needed - a gentle "lift-me-up" to help me continue on my journey. And, I am thankful to know that I am being quietly watched & admired for doing what seems like a "not a big deal" to me.

Day 20: Work Heroes

Part of the walk is giving my children some time to play afterwards...it is all part of the "plan". I am unable to join them (I would probably break every toy in the children's area at the mall), but I also can not just sit there. I would get way too bored. So, I read.

I am currently reading a biography about L.M. Montgomery. Anne of Green Gables is my favorite book series, I own the Emily series and at one time owned a large number of Montgomery's works (had to give a lot of the books away when moving, packing and storage became a problem). I had heard rumors that some of Montgomery's life was the basis for her books - and the rumors are true!

The book is an interesting read, but I find myself wishing I could read Montgomery's journals instead of someone rehashing them. But that is not what I want to focus on.

In a chapter about work, the author says a Prince Edward Island historian described the people of the island treasured work. The historian described these people as "work heroes" (much like today's sports heroes). Someone would be known for being the best with horses, another for setting the best table for the minister, another for hooking the most rugs during the winter, etc. The work heroes described seem to equally cover men and women and the labors that each gender was generally responsible for. (Maud, The Life of L.M. Montgomery, the creator of the world of Anne of Green Gables by Harry Bruce, ch 6 "Work, Save, Pray - And Behave Yourself", pg. 55)

It hit me kind of hard - when did work heroes get replaced with sports heroes and music heroes and actor heroes and every kind of hero, but the kind that actually matters? Wouldn't it be wonderful to live in an age when keeping the cleanest home was considered a matter of pride? and not just for you, but for your family, friends, relatives as well?

Okay, practically speaking I do not want to give up modern conveniences...I've lived without power and water for an extended period of time - not fun! I just wish that the bread I bake was a thing of heroes instead of an after thought.

I am sure, some of you are thinking, that to those that matter my house keeping skills, bread making skills, organizational skills, etc. do matter and many applaud those efforts. Since I never see myself or the things I do as legitimate...well, I can sometimes discount my own abilities.

I remember the different times at church as a young woman and as an adult where I was asked to bring something in to showcase my talents or passions. I drew a blank every single time. I know I came up with something, but not after weeks of agonizing over something, anything, that I considered "good enough".

I admire people who have talent in singing, playing a musical instrument, sewing, crafting, artistic abilities, etc. My talents are on a different plane....

I can walk into any room or home and in a very short while find a better way to organize the furniture or even remodel the floor plan to make the area "flow" better. This is not a talent I share with many people - I am positive most people would find it rather offensive. Thankfully, my mom lets me rearrange/reorganize her home whenever I visit! (full disclosure: I can rearrange, remodel, & reorganize, but I can't decorate!)

I can do really silly voices when I read books to children. Not sure who this is useful to except for the children I am reading to! I don't sing well, but I sing loud and in silly voices as well.

I do make a decent loaf of homemade bread and muffins. My best meal is spaghetti - I make my own sauce using spices and tomato sauce (my husband raves over it).

I do keep a fairly clean & straight home, but hopefully my home also feels like a home when others come to visit.

Well, you get the idea, my talents are not going catapult me to the top of the "heroes" business, but maybe I can learn to prize my own talents the way the islanders did while Montgomery was growing up. And maybe, just maybe, I can instill that into my children as well.

Side thought: As I reread this, I realized that even the talents I listed were probably not the stuff of "real" heroes. Real heroes, I think, give of their time and talents to help others - the person who visits the elderly every week without fail, the person who teaches others (either in church or in a public setting), the person who carries around gloves of all sizes on the off chance that someone might need one, the person who fights for their country, their freedoms and their family, the people who willingly give up years of their life to serve missions or join the peace corps.

Maybe I have some of those talents as well...but I think I must ponder that one for a little while.

Day 19: Sleep

In the past when I have attempted to make some form of exercise a part of my every day life I would find myself day-dreaming where I would be in a few months. I would envision myself look slim and trim. I could "see" myself being a die-hard exercise enthusiast with strength training, cardio and yoga. Sadly, I never envisioned myself doing the hard work to get to that point!

I have already caught myself a time or two having similar daydreams, but have been able to remind myself that it is the journey not the destination this time.

One of the things I have done every day is look for signs that I am on this journey for good. Walking when I didn't feel like it or when the children were under the weather were both great signs. I could hear my high school P.E. coach telling me that it was good for my body to run when I was sick...man, how I hated that man sometimes (although deep down, he was one of  my favorite teachers).

This morning, was the best "surprise" of this journey thus far.

When I woke up, I realized that I had slept through the night...no interruptions. It was pure bliss to wake up and know that I had made it through the night.

That might sound funny or odd, but I haven't slept well in years. First it was the 2am feedings and then it was sick children. Sometimes it was a cat who refused to behave less like a cat at 3am. And sometimes it was my own neurotic fears - every little sound inside and outside of the house would have me sitting bolt upright, sure there was an intruder in the house. Even Steve turning off his computer would wake up me up.

Not only am I not a morning person - seriously, I'm not. I really do need about an hour to myself before I can be nice. But I am also a person who needs a lot of uninterrupted sleep. A lot. I was the kid whose bedtime was 8pm well into high school because I just couldn't handle getting up early for school. And let me tell you - early morning seminary was a killer. In college, I ensured all of my classes started after 9am...well, except the one year that I had an early morning custodial job. Got up at 3am every day, ugh, I hated it, but I put all my classes back to back starting at 7am. By noon I was back at my dorm room and sleeping.

I am sure a big part of my weight problem, depression, anger, bad eating habits, acne prone skin and just all around blahs is that I have not gotten decent sleep since our last move. I really haven't. We have 3 levels - a basement, a main floor and a second floor. Our house is within spitting distance of our neighbors (sorry, couldn't think of a nicer way to put that). I can hear cars and doors and creaks all night long. I wake up to every single sound. Sometimes I even get up to once again ensure the house is locked up tight. Occasionally I lay in bed and whimper because all I want to do is sleep!

This morning was different. This morning, I couldn't remember waking up during the night. I couldn't remember noises or cats or husbands or children or anything. This morning, I realized that I actually slept through the night like a baby.

If walking every day gets me this kind of sleep the majority of the time then sign me up for life! (oh, wait...is that skipping the journey???)

Day 18: Gratitude

As I mentioned yesterday I have become to negative. Negativity is a disease and the only cure is gratitude. Having a realistic or optimistic outlook only comes through gratitude. Having a happy disposition, a sunny outlook on life, to enjoy the simple things, to be satisfied with the life you are currently living only comes through gratitude.

You can argue all you want with me, but I am firm in this belief.

My life right now is not that bad. I am living in the largest home of my married life, we live on a quiet and safe neighborhood, our home is filled with friends and neighbors visiting, Steve has the shortest commute in our married life (working from home does not count) and yet, I am negative.

I am negative about everything. The house is too big to clean. The kitchen is too small to easily prep for meals and to store non-perishable items, the fridge is too loud, the walls are too gray and the curtains are too brown (making for a dark home), um, anyway, you get the point.

I haven't mentioned one thing that is worth really being upset about. I know I have lived in worse homes (Saipan anyone?). I know I have been poorer and unable to fix things. I know I (or family members) have been very ill...in some cases requiring hospitalization.

Truly, I should have no complaints. Yet, I complain.

I don't want to dwell on the negativity...I could seriously go on for hours (or pages).

Instead, I want to focus on gratitude...which is so hard to do when you are use to seeing the glass half empty, but so easy once you count your blessings (and often!).

My Blessings:
1 - Steve. Steve is an amazingly patient husband. He loves me despite my crankiness in the morning and my lack of cooking skills and...well, this isn't about me. He works hard to not only provide for our family, but to balance his life to ensure quality time with each one of us individually and as a family. I find him a great role model for moderation in all things. He seems to always know when to play, when to work, when to rest and who needs him the most.
2 - My children. I should really break these out, but... I am thankful the Lord blessed me with 3 beautiful children. I am thankful He blessed me with the means to stay home with my children and enjoy them to the fullest. I am thankful for K's desire to share books with me. We have such a good time discussing the different books we are reading. I am thankful for Z's desire that everyone gets their fair share - be it candy or time with mom. He will happily decline time with me if no one else will be able to have some time with me. But he also strives to ensure that we always have time together. I am thankful for S's desire to be with me. It doesn't matter if it is cuddling, reading, cooking or playing together. She just really wants to be with me...which I truly find amazing!
3 - My home. We have a very old home, built in 1925. It is cute and it has personality. The best part is our landlord and her father (our handyman). They do a great job of fixing the minor repairs that pop up in an old house. Our house is in an old neighborhood that has a ton of character - along with a ton of trees. Also, our home has heating, cooling and running water!
4 - My car. My van is old...well, old for me. I have had it for 7 1/2 years. We bought it used. It is reliable, it fits all of us, it has heating and cooling. It is comfortable. It has enough room that we can take extra passengers. It has been across the country twice now and it is still going strong.
5 - The gospel. I am thankful for parents who raised me in the LDS church. I am thankful for the relationship I have with my savior, Jesus Christ. I am thankful for the atonement and what that means for me personally and for my family. I am thankful for the spirit I feel as I study my scriptures and sing the hymns. I am thankful I can bear my testimony, pay tithing, attend church and serve those around me. I am even thankful for being in cub scouts and working with some really great boys.

Day 17: Busy, busy, busy!

Another quick post! Christmas season is here and with a vengeance! The whole day was non-stop activities, but a wonderful family day as well.
I did get my walk in. I was thinking of skipping, but my darling husband half mumbled in his sleep that I should go & he would hold down the fort.
By the time I left, he and the children were plopped in front of the television to watch the animated How the Grinch Stole Christmas.
Me? I walked the mall - much to cold outside for me, thank you very much!
The mall during the week is filled with walkers, but the building itself seems to be only half awake. All the stores, but a handful like Kohl's, are closed which means no blaring lights or music. Just peacefulness.
Today was different. All the stores opened at 8am - music blaring, lights turned up high and so many people! Not walkers, not shoppers...just a lot of people. I guess they could be the store employees...it was surreal. It was hard to think.
But I did think...and I realized I am becoming too negative. Too tired to say more so I will expound tomorrow! Good walking everyone!

Day 16: Ugh!

This cutie has double ear infections:

This cutie has a severe sore throat:

Why am I sharing this? Well, because it affects me...greatly. Maybe it shouldn't. Maybe I should just roll with the punches and adjust.

And usually I do...really, I do...it is just that when I have sick children I have to figure out how to get my walk in.

Do I drag them to the mall with me? Do I attempt to walk outside without the children either in the early morning before Steve goes to work or in the evening when he gets home? Do I go to the mall without the children in the early morning before Steve goes to work or in the evening when he gets home? And since this is the Christmas season...how busy will the mall be in the evening? Would I even be able to get any decent walking in?

I have figured out in my head that some of the time lost by walking in the morning with the children is justified because this is P.E.  I don't mind starting a half hour later every day with regular school knowing that my children got anywhere from a half hour to an hour of P.E. It feels good to finally get that in!

But how do I know when my children are too sick? How do I know when it is time to throw in the towel and just do it on my own?

Like everything I am sure it is through trial and error.

Today, I chose to drag the children to the mall. It was a very slow walk. I had a very hard time going the pace my oldest was setting. When we got home, she spent the rest of the day on the couch reading. My youngest didn't have any problems...well, maybe too much energy!

I am glad I walked, but at the same time felt frustrated that I couldn't go a better pace. Perhaps next time I will try going solo and evaluate the outcome.

Day 15: Quick Update

I gotta tell ya, I am tired...no exhausted.

I walked this morning. It was a good walk; however, I promised the children a day at the local children's museum...4 hours later and I am exhausted. I guess I am not "fit" enough for a day of playing & learning!

Day 14: Dangers at the mall

Dangers at the mall? How can that be?

Oh, how I wish I could have gotten a picture! No matter how hard I tried, my son kept moving!!!

The only danger at the mall is the window display of one store...Victoria Secret

I had noticed that my son always has one of his sisters hold on to him as we are walking past the Victoria Secret store. He had me do the same thing yesterday.

My son finds the store window displays to be very inappropriate. So, he closes his eyes and has some lead him past this dangerous store.

When I tried to take a picture (the camera didn't like the children walking, so I tried to "stage" the picture). Z refused to do it. He said that in the background would be the inappropriate displays and he did not want me to post those images on my blog.

How sweet. A part of me thinks it is wonderful that he sees those images as inappropriate (yes, undergarments are necessary, but do we really need commercials, overly sexed models and other gimmicks to advertise?), but I also smile because sadly, one day he will turn into a guy and won't mind quite so much. Ah well...until that day we will brave the dangers of the mall as best we can!

Day 13: I have found my trainer

Don't let the smile fool you, he is one tough partner!

Children just don't know how to stay at one pace. This is perfectly normal. It is the reason we, as adults, marvel at their energy and wish we could bottle it up (maybe become millionaires at the same time).

When I choose to do something physically active with the children I can only move so fast - this includes our morning walks. My eldest is a tad slow for me, my youngest is just right, but my son? Oh my, the child does not know the meaning of slow down.

Normally, I let my son and one of the girls be partners and run ahead (with certain rules so they and other walkers stay safe). I and my other daughter are partners to walk at a more consistent pace.

Today, my son wanted to be my partner. He would not stay with me  no matter how fast I walked. At the end of our walk he confessed that he was trying to get me to run. Running is not in me yet. (I did try a really pathetic jog with my youngest the other day, but lasted less than a minute.)

Since my rule is that partners must stay together, I consistently sped up in that vain attempt of walking with him. My legs were burning, my sides hurt, I was panting and just wanted to sit down. Best walk so far...I am pretty sure that was a "brisk" walk. I think my son is my new personal trainer!

Day 12: I love Mondays!

Like all season, autumn is hanging on as winter desperately tries to take a hold.

I didn't expect to love Mondays, but since starting my journey I have loved Mondays (well, all two of them, at least).

The last two Saturdays, I have been sore, tired and very grumpy. Yet after a blissful day of R&R and I am raring to go Monday morning!

Even more exciting than my love of Monday mornings, is the improvement I already see in the children. Last week was full of complaints and dragging feet. Not today! Today they made it around the mall twice, never complained once and walked at a decent pace.

I have a feeling they will be bouncing back a lot faster than I will!

Day 11: Humility

I was unsure about writing on Sunday since I am not walking on Sunday, but one of the things I said in my first post, is that I believe this is a journey of the mind and spirit as much as a journey of the body.

With that in mind, I would like to share what I read this morning.

In Ether 28:27 is states: “And if men come unto me I will show unto them their weakness. I give unto men weakness that they may be humble; and my grace is sufficient for all men that humble themselves before me; for if they humble themselves before me, and have faith in me, then will I make weak things become strong unto them.”

There is a lot to learn from this scripture, but what jumped out at me was the cause and effect in the scripture.

A Sunday school lesson a long time ago, taught the scriptures was full of cause and effect. The Lord says “do this and I will bless you with this.” The cause is us obeying God in whatever He asks of us and the effect is the blessing He has promised us.

For some reason, this thinking appeals to me.

In Ether 28:27, the cause is us humbling ourselves before God “...for if they humble themselves before me”, but there is more to than just humility. You need faith also, “...and have faith in me,”

So, our job is to humble ourselves before God and to have faith in Him.

The effect is God making weak things strong, “…then will I make weak things become strong unto them.”

I don’t pretend to know how God can make weak things strong – is it a physical strength, a spiritual strength, or a mental strength? Does God take our weaknesses away to replace them with strength? Or does He use our weaknesses in a way that we can’t imagine and therefore it becomes a strength?

I have a tendency to focus on the blessing – what is it that I get if I obey? How exactly does this blessing work? I need to focus on my part, in this case, the humility and faith.

Yet I struggle with the humility. If I told you I had faith in spades than I am no longer being humble and probably setting myself up for a huge fall (spiritually that is).  If I told you that I am a pretty humble person than everyone pretty much knows that I am not really humble. I mean, humble people do not go around tooting their own horn.

And there is a difference between false humility and real humility. False humility is someone who secretly believes they are the best (or the coolest), but says or does thing that they hope makes them sound or look humble. False humility is the person who is pleased with a compliment, but does everything to deflect the compliment.

I struggle with false humility. I am sure a lot of other people do too (to think otherwise would then place me in a different category of the fake martyr). I struggle with real humility as well. I struggle to take a compliment for my accomplishments, yet have a ribbon full of note cards & letters with people thanking me for what I have done.

Now honestly, I do not keep the thank you notes to puff myself up, but as a reminder that I can make a difference. When I was a young mom, I struggled with motherhood – post partum depression will do that to a gal. I actually hated being a mother for awhile (are you even allowed to admit that when you still have children at home?). I did not understand the articles I would read by other women saying how becoming a mother changed them for the better. I just didn’t get it. I was angry and sad all the time. My child cried all the time.

One day in the mail, on a particularly hard day, a note arrived reminding me that I was loved by Heavenly Father and I was a good mother. I read that note a lot. It was my first note on the ribbon. It got me through 3 post partum depressions (along with a few other things).

When I “woke up” for that last time from PPD, I wanted to help others the way I was helped. I am not good at seeing opportunities (this is not false humility, but an honest assessment of my own failing). It surprised me (still does) when I started getting thank you notes for little things that I did. I know have a ribbon full of thank you notes and hopefully I have continued to use my talents to help others. Now I also use the note cards as a reminder to say thank you.

Gratitude is very closely related to humility. I can accept a compliment with graciousness and still be humble. Humble is not deflecting or degrading our accomplishments or our efforts. It is being thankful that we have the ability to help others. It is showing gratitude for the blessings that we have been given. It is using our time and talents to help those around us. Why? Because it shows, through action, that we are thankful for the gifts God has bestowed upon him. Every gift can be used for good or evil or selfishness, but when we use those gifts for good and in love, we are being humble.

I don’t bake bread for someone because I think I am the best bread maker around or because I think my bread is going to cheer them up, I do it because it is something I am capable of doing and it shows those that I visit with and interact with that I care for them…and that God cares for them.

And, I have a feeling, if I concentrate my efforts on being humble before God and having faith in Him, then the  blessing of taking my weaknesses and turning them into a strength will be taken care of…with no thought or help from me.

Side note: I read the scripture to Steve and he basically said he believes God gives us opportunities to overcome and/or use our weaknesses. And through the many tests and trials those weaknesses become strong, much like using a muscle. Hmm…interesting thought.

Day 10: Saturday = My day

This window is part of a church close to my house - I find the design intriguing. When light hits it it is beautiful.

My wonderful friend, Ashlee, left a comment on one of my other posts about how she & her family (she has 5 children) are training for a family 5K, but she still does a run without the children in tow. I have known Ashlee for over 5 years and is probably the biggest influence on my desire to eat better & exercise.

I have mulled over Ashlee's comment all week and decided that maybe I needed some time to workout without the children. From this post, we know that I don't like to spend a lot of money things that I deem unnecessary - like a gym membership.

For those of you who don't know, I am a big proponent of mom's having time to themselves once a week. It doesn't have to be long or involved, but it does need to be something that recharges them. I have not had my weekly night in a couple of years. Perhaps that was part of the underlying depression I suffered from this summer.

But that is actually not either here nor there. What is important is that I have taken Saturday morning to be my time. And what better way to spend my time than to walk for 30 minutes?

As great as the children have been this past week with walking at the mall, it is not necessarily stress free for me. I like to keep them within view and I worry they might accidentally knock someone over when they choose to run, jog, tear around the mall, etc...

My solitary walk this morning was very relaxing. It wasn't bitterly cold so I walked my neighborhood. It was so quite & still...as if the day was waiting for just the right moment to awaken into activity.

Not until the very end did I see some other souls out and about: 2 dog walkers, 2 bicyclists and jogger.

I felt alive and ready to conquer my day.

Day 9: More determination

In an earlier post post I talked about dedication. It wasn't a topic I expected to address so soon.

Yet, here I am reaffirming my determination.

Reaffirming is a funny word, in a sense. I affirm that I believe something or feel something and then when I reaffirm I am doing it all over again. In fact, when you put "re" in front of most words it makes for an interesting idea.

I know 2 lovely sisters who have amazing faith. Whenever they taught a lesson for Relief Society (a women's organization at church), they would frequently mention the need to recommit to the gospel.

I have never forgotten this message: an opportunity to recommit.

This morning I had an opportunity to recommit.

I believe in this post, I mentioned my preference would be to wake up leisurely to the sun. My family (the family I grew up with) will tell you that it doesn't matter when I wake up I am grumpy. And I am. I can admit it. My husband and children will tell you that it doesn't matter when I wake up I am grumpy, but give me an hour to myself and I am happy. And this is true at 6am or 9am. I need that hour to myself.

I woke up not wanting to get up. Not wanting to face my day. Not wanting to be a wife, a mother,  a homeschooler, and certainly not a walker! All I wanted to do was stay in bed and be left alone.

Sigh.

But a little voice in the back of my head started listing all the reasons why I started walking to begin with, listing all the reasons why walking is good for the children and how it counts for P.E. In other words, I talked myself into going.

Now, I was not a very nice person towards Steve - rather grumpy actually. However, I was smiling and joking with the children by the time we ended our walk. We even ran some much needed errands afterwards.

It felt good to recommit to walking. It felt good to walk. It felt good to follow through on a decision. It feels good to tell you that I walked today even when I didn't want to. It is nice to reaffirm my dedication - even if the word is a little funny sounding.

Day 8: The 1 Week Anniversary

Normally I would scoff at celebrating a one week anniversary - I mean, really, what is a week? Yet, I recognize that I have to keep myself excited about going and recognize the little things that happen along the way of my journey.

I tend to focus so much on what the end of a goal will look like that I forget to enjoy the process. As a result, I sometimes never reach the goal!

Or, I am too focused on the beginning of a project and am never able to see the progress, which also results (sometimes) in failing to reach the goal.

I have spent one week walking daily (except on Sunday) for 30 minutes. I have walked outside in the cold, I have walked in a store, I have walked in a mall and I have walked with children in tow. Pretty darn good for me!

Looking back it seems a piece of cake; but when I started last week it seemed a daunting task. Looking to a year or 6 months or month from now seems daunting, but focusing on tomorrow...that seems doable. One day at a time and one week at a time and I might, just might complete my year of walking (here's hoping)!

Happy 1 Week Anniversary to Me!

Day 7: Highs & Lows

The highlight of the day: getting up on time!

If I could live my perfect world every day than I would be able to let the sunlight wake me up slowly, I would spend a couple of hours just piddling and waking up, and then tackle my day with exercise, school, housework, and errands.

But alas, I do not live my perfect world every day; instead I will take the next best thing every day - waking up on time.

I don't know about anyone else, but I hate the feeling that I am behind. I may not like getting up early (and in the dark), but I like having the time to get myself ready for the day without chaos. Since I started this walking journey, I have struggled to get out of bed on time. In fact, I was lucky if I got out of bed before 8am. The best time is 6am. I know it isn't that early, I use to get up much earlier in different stages of my life, but 6am is hard when your body gets use to 9am. And boy, does 9am sound lazy!

Today was great. Up on time and out the door by 8am. I felt like I could take on the world!

I compromised with my eldest, I allowed her to set the pace of our walk. She did an okay job and got through the 30 minutes without whining or complaining (or collapsing from exhaustion).

The highlight for my children was the children's area was open this morning. I will spare you all the pictures on this blog, but all 3 children ran around for another 30 minutes. Pretty good exercise considering last year we were all slugs during the colder months.

Proof the children were playing in the children's area.

The low had to do with school. Since I have taken the time and effort to put walking into my routine, school has suffered. I am back to feeling like I am behind. I have a pretty good schedule/routine for school, but find myself not jumping right into it after we are done walking.

Honestly, I am hoping that is just a result of being tired and not use to a lot of physical exertion. I am hoping that it will work itself out, but despite all that hoping I still feel anxious. And when I feel anxious I tend to be a lot less patient with the children.

This blog is not about homeschooling, but it is about the effects of walking. Having to adjust your life and your lifestyle to include a regimen of walking (or other forms of exercise) does effect the rest of your life.

I guess I could be wrong and making a lot more out of this, but does anyone else have similar feelings? Adding in 30 minutes of walking sounds easy, but by the time I am done adding in the drive time to the mall and the children's run around time I have spent an hour and half of my life. An hour and half is a lot harder to add in smoothly than 30 minutes.

Okay, enough negatives - I will end on a positive note: It is almost 7pm and I am ready for bed, but today is the first day I didn't have an overwhelming need for a nap! I call that progress!

Day 6: The Plan

As I mentioned on Saturday, I need plan to truly succeed. I don't want to find myself at 6pm and wonder how I am going to get my walking in for the day - it is hard enough getting shower in!

The plan needs to be simple. The plan needs to be independent of me relying on anyone else. That might sound a little harsh, but if my plan involves Steve or friend watching the children, then at some point they are not going to be able to watch the children. No one's fault, just a part of life. Perhaps they get sick, or go out of town, etc. The plan also needs to be somewhat flexible. If I sign up for a walking group that only meets at 12 noon then at some point in the future that 12 noon time period will stop working for me. Again,  no one's fault, but life changes and I need a plan that can change as well. And finally, I need the plan to be cheap. We currently have the money for me to go to a gym, but I don't want to a) spend the money if I can get the same results without spending the money (I am a little too frugal) b) feel stuck in a membership or plan that stops working for me c) feel like the money is a drain on the finances if in the future we no longer have the same level of income.

For the colder months, the children and I will walk at the mall.

Before we started our walk this morning, K took the picture.

We are attempting to get there every morning by 8am. The  mall is a 5 minute drive, two laps equals a little over one mile, and they have a children's area. My thought is that we all walk and then I can give the children some run around time. While they play, I can eat a snack and/or read a book.

We are not quite up to 2 full laps, but we do walk the full 30 minutes...it is just harder on some children than others.

K barely made the last 10 minutes, she was so tired.

K gave it the ol' college try when it came to running around with her siblings.

But she gave up after a couple of minutes. K spent the rest of the time laying on the bench and listening to me read "War Horse".

The main children's area was closed this morning for cleaning, so the children made do by climbing all over the "ride" toys.

S is still a toddler at heart (she even likes to sit in the high chairs at restaurants) and probably had the most fun on these riding toys.

Z didn't want his picture taken today. He had fun playing, but did it boy style - climbing on top of and over the riding toys instead of sitting in them.

In the summer months, we would switch to a park because I think fresh air is paramount. If I wasn't such a wuss when it comes to the cold, we would walk outside now! (Did I mention the high today was 35 degrees?)

Finally, I think the children need this as much as I do, especially K. Lately, she has skipped the run around time with her siblings to read a book. I love reading, but I want her to balance it with some physical movement. (Now if I could convince Z to balance his run around time with a little bit of reading!)

I am a little nervous that with the Christmas season & winter approaching this might prove harder than I think, but 2 days down and a whole year left to go!

Day 5: Woke Up Happy! & Info

I woke up on time and ready to go walking this morning! It was a great feeling! I think I have come up with a good winter plan, but I will discuss that in a different post, for now I want to talk stats.

I am not really sure it is necessary to state where I am currently at in terms of weight and measurements, but at the same time I think it would be interesting to see the how and what of changes a year from now.

Before I give my stats, I must admit that I do not like to tell people how much I weigh or even how much I would like to lose. The main reason being, most people respond with, “oh, but you don’t need to lose any weight – you don’t even look fat (or heavy)!” Well, great, I don’t look like I am over weight and out of shape, but my body says different every day.

A couple of things to keep in mind:

1 – Different heights can handle different weights. A person who is 5’1” and 150lbs looks different from a person who is 5”6’ and 150lbs who looks different from a person who is 6’1” and 150lbs. My guess, one would look over weight, one would look fine and one would look a little too thin.

2 – Different builds can handle different weights. Even if you had 3 people lined up at the same height (5’6”) and at the same weight (150lbs), but one was small build, one was medium build and one was big build…again, you would have 3 people who appeared to look different – one over weight, one fine and one a little too thin.

3 – Being female adds a whole other level to the complication of weight, appearance and health. There are so many different ways a female body can look that in the book Dress Your Best: The Complete Guide to Finding the Style That's Right for Your Body by Stacy London and Clinton Kelly there are 15 some odd different types. The book discusses each basic type with petite, average height and tall – we are talking curvy all over, curvy on the bottom, curvy on the top, straight, bigger on the bottom, bigger in the middle, bigger on top! It can give you a headache. So, as a woman, I not only have to worry about my height and my build, but I also have to worry about my curves. If you took someone who 6’1” and they were curvy all over, and 150lbs, they would appear larger than someone who is 6’1” and straight.

4 – I, personally, am losing weight because my doctor told me I needed to. He said I am overweight and needed to lose 10-15lbs. He told me not to go on a strict diet in the attempt to get myself to my “ideal” weight. He said I would basically being starving myself to get to that weight. I like a doctor who sees things pragmatically.

5 – This health journey is less about weight (although I do hope to lose some) and more about ensuring I have a healthy body. I have high cholesterol; high cholesterol and heart problems also run in my family.

Without further ado, here are my stats:

Height: 5’1” (full disclosure – small build, curvy all over)

Weight: 145 lbs

 

Measurements:

Hips: 42”

Waist: 35”

Chest: 40”

Cholesterol levels:

Total: 206 mg/dL

Triglycerides: 226 mg/dL

HDL (good): 44mg/dL

LDL (bad): 117 mg/dL

CHOL/HDL Ratio: 4.7

Non-HDL:  162 mg/dL

(Note: Not sure what it all means, but I know it means that my total, triglycerides and non-HDL cholesterol is high.)

A final thought: it is my personal theory that women who are petite and curvy all over have a tougher time keeping the weight off or in check. I further believe that it is actually very easy for petite & curvy all over women to look overweight even when they are not. Why? Simple, because they tend to have shorter torsos, shorter waists, shorter legs and sometimes even shorter necks  and when you add a larger chest and/or hips than you are creating an image of a “chunky” person. You might not agree with me, and that is o.k., but all I know is that when I was my “ideal” weight of 110lbs (and yes, I was that weight before having children) I could look heavy or pregnant if I chose the wrong clothing (clothing makes a huge difference, but that is for a different post!).