Year 3: Day 32: New Year's Week

Sorry haven't written much but with the holidays, family visiting, us traveling to visit friends...well, blogging was low on the list.

It has been a wonderful holiday week and I know I am going to enjoy New Year's Eve as well...but why is it every year I feel an overwhelming compulsion to make resolutions????

Resolutions rarely hold. I set a goal, work on it for a week or two and then it slowly fades away. I recently read somewhere that week 3 is the hardest week for people attempting to stick with a goal like exercising more or eating better. I find that fascinating...why week 3? Don't have an answer on that one...oh, well.

What I do have is a lot of musings in my head.

I know that simply setting a goal is not enough to motivate me.

I know that setting a goal and putting a reward (carrot) at the end is not enough to motivate me.

I know that setting a goal, having a reward and having a way to mark off the accomplishment (like writing this blog or simply putting a check box on a chart) is not enough to motivate me, but it does keep me going once the motivation wears off.

If you throw in a competition - some kind of point system than that is sometimes enough to motivate me, but it helps a ton to keep me going (even past that elusive 3 week hump).

I've decided that each person is probably motivated different (duh, we are all unique!) and each of us have our preferred way to keep ourselves on track (again, duh!).

The trick is knowing what works for you.

Some people like carrots. Ex: If I lose a certain amount of weight than I will treat myself to a new outfit.

Some people like the buddy system where everyone is encouraging each other - which is why online sites are so popular because lets face it, not everyone has a circle of friends & family that will be a cheerleader.

Neither one of those work for me.

I know, weird, right? In fact, I have not found a carrot shiny enough to get me to do what I know I should do when I don't want to do it.

Also, when I start to reach a weight goal and am looking good (yeah, I'm a little vain...so sue me), if someone is kind enough to compliment me on it....well, I stop working toward the goal. It is like my brain hears the compliment and thinks, "Oh, I'm done. I got the notice. Okay, back to eating junk food!"

I have thought about the times in my life where I was able to keep a goal a long term....even to the point of completing a goal (like finishing college or walking for a year).

I have to be stubborn about the goal and feel like I am showing someone I can do it even when they think I can't do it.

Dated a guy in high school that flipped out I wanted to go to college. He became a real pain. Even went to far by telling me I couldn't go to college & he would stop me. Um, yeah. Dumped the guy, but also basically said, "Hell, no. I'm not giving that up for you or for anyone else." So, put myself through college (with mom & dad helping) and got my bachelors degree.

Another time I was working a job as a reporter. My particular job title was a rotating type job - meaning there were a ton of people who started & quit. Now, almost twenty years later I realize the real problem was the Editor and other management staff for not doing a better job of training/mentoring the new reporters, but at the time....well, I was determined that the other reporters would not run me out the door until I was good & ready to leave. I stuck it out for an entire year. Pretty proud of myself for being the kind of reporter I wanted to be and I left on my own terms....not theirs.

Even walking for a year started out as a way for me to prove my doctor wrong. In this case, he was more right than me, but the point is I started the goal & kept at it to prove something.

I've concluded that I do far better with negative motivation.

I hear all the time, you can never have the body you had before children. Okay....but I see and know people who are in great shape after having children. Why can't I be that person?

I hear all the time that because I am chesty (and I am rather large in that area) that I can never be slim. Why???? I was slim in my 20s and had a chest then? Why should it be different know that I am in my 40s?

Basically, I realized this past week that I really want to prove people wrong about me and my body.

One, I am tired of people making comments about my body like that is an okay thing to do. It has been happening since puberty and I am, quite frankly, tired of it.

Two, I am tired of people making general statements and applying them to me without finding out the facts about my life, my body, my health, my history first.

Third, I am tired of people projecting their own insecurities, their own fears, their own problems, shortcomings and downfalls on to me. I am my own person.

I jokingly asked my husband to not compliment me anymore and to occasionally give me some negative motivation. He politely declined. Okay, not surprised that he decline. So, instead, I am writing out everything that has ever been said to me and posting them on my closet mirror (I have the sliding kind, so my list will be the back mirror that stays hidden for the most part). Whenever I feel complacent, lazy or that I have "made it" and can quite trying, I am going to read my list.

It might not be ideal, but I am hopeful it will work....work long enough to get me past week 3 and month 3 and well into another year.

Happy Journey!

Year 3: Day 24: Christmas Week

What is it about the week of Christmas that is so dang hard???

Don't you miss being a kid where every day before Christmas was full of longing and anticipation for that glorious moment you were allowed to open your presents????

The two best days out of the entire year for a child is Christmas and their Birthday. Seriously. The. Best. Days. Ever.

Now, I'm an adult, a mom of three and...Christmas is a great day, but it so dang stressful leading up to the day. And sometimes stress during the day and after the day... Yeah, Christmas is just not the same.

To add to the stress of the Christmas spirit is the two very different messages floating around out there.

Message one: Christmas time = gifts, parties, and lots and lots of food and goodies. What better way to share the Christmas spirit than with a plate of sugar cookies, a tub of fudge or a tin of chocolate?

Message two: Christmas time = intense pressure to look your very best (which for most of society means skinny). I'm sorry, I can't enjoy the entire month of the Christmas season if I have to constantly worry about what is going into my mouth, what I might look like in my sweater (ugly or not) and if the scale will be "kind" the day after.

And really, what are we telling our children, especially our girls, when we are constantly flip flopping between these two messages?

This is probably the one area where I am a bit of Scrooge. We do not make a ton of holiday treats, if any. I do not attend cookie exchanges. I do not give goodies to friends and relatives. I just don't.

Now, if I am invited to a party or given a plate of goodies, I eat them. I sure with the family. We eat a little every day to make one plate last a good week, but I don't go crazy over trying to stay any certain size. Life is life. You know what I mean?

Share smiles. Share cards. Share season's greetings. And if baking is your thing, then by all means bake and share those goodies.

Just don't make me feel like a Scrooge for not baking and don't make me feel ashamed for eating the cookie that was brought to me. Life is way to short to add the stress of food to the Christmas holiday (I got enough stress ensuring each of my children feel loved & special throughout the month, but especially on Christmas morning as the gifts are being opened).

Thankfully, Christmas is just a few days away and the stress will magically disappear. Ah. Looking forward to it.

Happy Journey!

Year 3: Day 19: Stopped Cold in my Tracks

The children have been passing around a cold for sometime now....I finally got hit.

I hate getting sick.

I know healthy foods, healthy liquids is the way to go when sick, but all I really want is hot chocolate, Top Ramen and grilled cheese sandwiches....all are warm and just glide down my very sore throat.

Hope your day is going better!

Happy Journey!

Year 3: Day 15: The Water Question

I love water. This love; however, was not always there. Growing up I drank milk, chocolate milk, strawberry  milk when my mom would let me, apple juice and orange juice...and the occasional soda (always a HUGE treat growing up).

I fell in love with water when I was in college because...well, because I had to. I had no money. Water was free and I needed every dime for food.

I do not like my water flavored by fruit or veggies. No cucumber, lime, lemon, strawberry slices for me. None. I can drink my water with ice cubes or with out. I can drink it cold, room temperature and sometimes I can even drink it warm or slightly hot (gotta be really thirsty though).

The only time I don't like water is when I am sick. Especially when I have a cold. Ugh, water tastes so gross when I have a cold. Then I want something with a strong taste - I usually go for orange juice or hot chocolate, but sometimes I will drink soda.

Since 95% of my life is now spent drinking water, I have (smugly) felt that I was pretty healthy. I mean drinking water is on like every advice list on how to improve your health. So, I'm good, right? Um, yeah, nope, not at all, not even close.

For the last two weeks I have been a participating in a clean eating challenge. The first week, the focus was on eating 5 or 6 small meals and making sure every meal was as clean as possible. (Read clean to mean as whole & unprocessed as possible).

It was a hard week for me. Breakfast, snack and lunch I can eat pretty clean, but dinner through me every single time. When I couldn't figure out how to make something more "clean", than I just ate a smaller portion with more veggies. Pretty good compromise. I really liked how I felt at the end of that first week.

The second week, the focus was on drinking a gallon of water a day. I did not drink a gallon of water a day, I was shy by 8 oz (2 cups) each day, but I still drank a ton of water! And I love water!

I'm sure everyone else in the challenge did a great job of eating clean AND drinking water, but for some reason I didn't. At first, I felt really guilty, but now I am glad for the mistake. Why? Because I got to experience for myself in a short amount of time the difference between eating healthy with some water and eating not so healthy and drinking a ton of water. Want to guess which week won? Which week where I felt my best?

Yup, you guessed it! The first week. With all that water I drank in the second week, I was forced to eat smaller meals, but the meals were not healthy and I felt (feel) like crap.

Huge wake up call to me that eating healthy trumps everything - trumps sleep, trumps drinking water, trumps exercise. Now, I know I have to do all of those things together, but if I am having a rough day and can only put my time & energy into one, then it needs to be my food. Clean, healthy, unprocessed food.

Happy Journey!

Year 3: Day 14: 5 Gratitudes for Friday, 55

1. The crud that hit me so hard yesterday that I slept 4 1/2 hours in the middle of the day....seems to be gone. I woke up this morning ready to take on the world...or at least the kitchen.  I even managed to cook dinner tonight. So thankful for my health.

2. My sister-in-law, Mandy, inviting me to join a clean eating challenge. Eating healthy is one area that I really struggle with and I have learned so much the past couple of weeks. The challenge was full of lots of wonderful people who shared their struggles, their triumphs and their favorite clean eating recipe. I feel out-classed - clean eating to me means adding a salad to my lunch. However, I am learning that it is adding that salad and then swapping your white rice for brown rice and other small changes until how you eat is completely different that when you started.

3. A wake up call. I don't mean to still the title from The Rock's new reality TV show, but yeah, I got a wake up call. Along with that  clean eating challenge, I was invited to learn about being a Beachbody coach. I've chosen not to become one, but in the process of learning about being a coach, I was challenged to list all of my roles (small sample: homeschooler, wife, mother, teacher, daughter...) and then choose 6 roles that I would focus on. Six. That is it. Six roles that I would work at and become amazing. Now the six roles will change over time (which is okay), but for right now my 6 roles have everything to do with being my children's teacher, mentor, health coach and mother.

4. My husband. I am so grateful for him. I am so thankful that he works hard everyday so I may stay home to teach our children. I am thankful that he supports me in all of my endeavors and love me even when I am being goofy.

5. My children. I love each of my children. They are amazing! I miss them being little, but I am finding that I am enjoying the ages and stages they are at more and more each day.

Happy Journey!

Year 3: Day 12: What does that number really mean?

Last night as I was going to sleep I began to think about the number on the scale. You know that horrible number that never seems to budge or move down...but magically will jump up several numbers at a time? That number we all seem to obsess about because somehow the number on the scale represents how healthy we are?

Well, I hate that number. I've always hated that number. In fact, the number just drives me nuts. And here is why:

When we were little (or when our children were little), every time we visited the doctor for a check up or an illness, the very first thing the nurse does is take weight and height. Weight and height every single time...even if you saw the doctor the day before.

Now children are blissfully unaware what all these numbers mean, but parents know the numbers are put into a chart to see if the child is growing properly. (My frustration with that is not appropriate for this post!)

If you do not fall into the nice average than perhaps you heard your whole life (like I did): underweight and under height. Some may hear overweight and over height....or any combination. Does this mean the child is unhealthy? Does this mean the child is not growing? Does this mean something needs to change drastically?

Um, no.

What it means is that the child does not fit the average (last I checked, to get an average you must have highs & lows, but I digress...).

So, let's pretend for a moment you heard your whole life you do not fit the average. Than you hit a magical age (usually around 18) and the numbers no longer matter. That's right, they don't matter. Now, the nurse still takes your weight (rarely does height get checked once you are an adult), but the doctor no longer plugs into a growth chart. Yep, doesn't matter....unless you fall into an extreme. Extreme thin or Extreme weight. Everyone else is pretty much ignored.

Now, if you heard growing up "you are underweight, you need to eat!" than trust me when I say it takes a long time for you to figure out that the weight number going up might not be such a great thing....

I hate telling people how much I weigh because so many people do not get this concept: weight on a tall person looks different on a short person.

I weigh 145lbs. I hear all the time, oh, that is really good. Great! Is that really good for a short person (I'm only 5'1"), an average person (5'7") or a tall person (6')????

Seriously, it will look different on each person. It will also look different if you are small boned, medium boned or large boned. I am small boned.

It also looks different on your shape - are you curvy? are you top heavy? are you bottom heavy? are you straight? 145lbs on a tall, shapely woman is going to look a heck of a lot different than 145lbs on a short, shapely woman. One will look svelte...the other will look fat.

Yes, I used the f word. fat. But fat is subjective, just like the number on the scale and the number on your  clothes. What is not subjective is your height. Your height is never going to change. Even when you wear 6 inch heels....your still the same old height.

Your weight, sure it isn't subjective....but how we look at it is. That is badly worded, but basically, weight is subjective.

Why? Because so many of us are trying to get to some magical number that some chart, some calculator, some doctor, etc. said we need to get to.

I'm 5'1" - height/weight ratio says I can be as low as 110lbs....last time I was that weight was college and some people thought I was anorexic. Nope, not anorexic, just very, very, very skinny.

If you look at BMI I should be some where in the 120's....both systems say 145lbs is overweight for someone of my height.

Fine. Whatever.

But does the 110lbs, the 125lbs, the 134lbs or the 145lbs reflect my health? my happiness? my longevity? Nope, not at all.

In some ways, I am healthier at 145lbs than I was at 110lbs. Why? Because I am actually eating healthy where I did not when I was in high school and college.

Since baby number 3 was born, I have wanted to shed the baby weight and be back down to a very healthy 125 lbs. It is the weight I was at when I got married before I had any children. It is a nice number, but being that number doesn't automatically equate health.

Which brings me back to my title: what does that number really mean?

The arbitrary number: 125 lbs
Meaning: A wonderful reminder of a time in my life when I was extremely happy - newly married, a new mom, etc.

The arbitrary number: 145 lbs
Meaning: A reminder of struggles with depression (including post partum depression), moving away from friends (too many times to count), struggles with money and even struggles as a wife and mother.

Neither of those numbers mean health or unhealthy to me. Those numbers are 100% EMOTIONAL!

I've decided if the numbers of my weight really meant nothing than as an adult they mean nothing as well.

I've decided that instead of weighing myself constantly and stressing over an arbitrary number...I 'm going to focus on my emotions. Do I feel happy? Do I feel up? Do I feel good about myself?

I'll also focus on eating clean/healthy and moving my body....but that goes without saying.

Happy Journey!

Year 3: Day 11: A late start on the new year

Happy New Year!

Depending on a number of factors I am either extremely yearly or just a tad late....

I started this blog three years ago, the day after Thanksgiving, and I feel I did a great job of chronicling my journey the first year....not so much the second year. I am truly hoping this year will be different.

Why didn't I post very much?

I would like to say it is because I was super busy. I have been busier this year, but I could have made time to write. I should have made time to write.

The real reason I didn't post much is because I felt embarrassed by my lack of walking and strength training. That was the goal last year and I fell flat on my face.

You see, I don't like to show my failures. I much rather fail in private and succeed in public. Maybe others are like me? It would be nice to know I am not alone in this particular idiosyncrasy.

Regardless, I have been working on my health this past year....even when I had to quit walking for awhile because my left foot was bothering me. Instead of exercise, I made changes to my diet. Why didn't I write about that? See the above reason....I felt like a failure.

I am currently taking a 3 week clean eating challenge. The challenge has been interesting, but from that challenge I was invited to a "become a coach" Facebook page where current coaches recruit others to become coaches! I'm pretty sure it is going to turn out like all other "work from home" companies where I either need to see stuff or recruit people to make money. I am not interested in that, but I am going to finish out the week to gain knowledge. That's right, knowledge. The first day of this group, one of the current coaches posted a video of why she is a Beachbody coach (I think that is the name of the company). In her video she said people like to see your struggles, they like to watch your progress, your failures and your successes.

Yep, it hit me like a ton of bricks....I'm suppose to share the ups & downs, the success & failures, the frustrations....all of it. It is as much for me as for anyone who happens to read this blog.

I never expected to become a mommyblogger with hundreds of readers. I just hoped that my writing about my journey would help me. Sounds selfish doesn't it. Well, the best writers always said they wrote for themselves, not for a commercial audience. I figure blogging is the same way. I am writing for myself and I am happy to invite others to come along.

So, to the few readers I have out there, I apologize for not letting you in on my failures, roadblocks, set backs and frustrations.

Here is to a new year and lots of sharing!

Happy Journey!

(yep, changed my ending...my year of walking has developed into a whole new realm)

Year 2: Day 361: Winding down & gearing up

This week will mark the end of year two.

I am pretty sure most people would count this year as a bust.

I know that I certainly have from time to time.

I am also striving to see this past year as a learning opportunity and to recognize that I can not succeed in personal health if I do not have a few failures and set backs.

Failures and set backs are a part of life....I just don't like them.

Today is what I did right...because honestly, I think it is the harder of the two posts.

What I did right:
1 - I took time off to heal. When I got hurt (pinched sciatic nerve, lower back pain and my left foot bothering me) I took a few days off (or more) to recover. Sometimes, I even saw a doctor to ensure nothing worse was going on. I have learned it is important to listen to my body and adjust accordingly.
2 - Focused on what I could control. When I wasn't able to work out, I focused on other areas - like eating healthy or doing more stretches.
3 - Learned to go slow. I am, by nature, a person who takes an extremely long time to decide to do something (like work out), but when I make that decision, I jump in with both feet and go full force. While the enthusiasm is good, the full force is not. Sometimes going slow and ensuring you have the right technique down is better. And in terms of changing food habits, slow is better for me.
4 - Discovered I don't need dessert, but I do need my starch/carbs. One of the areas I focused on this last year was food. I challenged myself to only eat one dessert a month. I gave up donuts, cake, cupcakes, cookies, ice cream, candy bars, etc. I thought it would be hard, but it wasn't. It was a piece of cake....however, when I attempted to do the something with breads, breadsticks, crackers, etc...yeah, I fell down really quickly (but that is a story for a different day).
5 - Stopped beating myself up. I did feel like a failure. I had a lot of people remind me that I was not failing. I have learned that health is a fragile thing. I have also learned that health is an every day lifestyle - not a once in awhile thing to try. I'm really looking forward to next years challenge.

Happy Walking!

Year 2: Day 316: 5 Gratitudes for Friday, 55

1. Children working hard at school so we can take off a couple of days next week to visit some friends. My children are pretty amazing that way.

2. A very rainy year. Rain is always needed, but more so in the desert. We have had a ton of rain this year - thanks to a great monsoon season and a couple of hurricanes. I just love it.

3. My husband getting the green light to continue to work remote - meaning he will continue to work from him and not have to travel. Yeah!

4. My family and I coming to a compromise on house cleaning. I am choosing to do a little less and they have agreed to do a little more. I think it is a good system. I hope it is a good system.

5. For the peace and patience I have had all week. I pray for a little more patience every day and truly feel that I am being helped.

Happy Walking!

Year 2: Day 315: Fed Up

Have you ever noticed how you sometimes have to get so fully fed up or disgusted before making an actual change?

Have you ever noticed how sometimes the quickest way to get to that feeling is to totally immerse yourself (in whatever activity you will eventually get disgusted by)?

Yeah, I wish I was different and didn't operate that way....but I am not, so I don't.

Today, I hit that saturation level.

I hit it with eating crappy.

I wouldn't call myself a foodie. I like food. I'm just a little lazy about it.

I know I need to cut back on the processed food. I know I need to cut back on junk food. I know I need to cut back on fast food. I know I need to cut back on sugar.

Actually, I was able to cut back on sugar in May of this year. Since May, I only have dessert one time a month. I don't drink soft drinks or other sugary drinks. I don't eat candy, cupcakes, cakes, ice cream, etc... I'm not reading labels and I am not cutting sugar out of recipes. Just cut back on the obvious stuff.

Wow! What a difference!

I don't crave it at all. I can no longer eat a normal portion - much to sweet. I prefer, honestly, prefer just a small scoop or slice....just about three or four bites worth.

Once I have had it, I'm good. I'm not tempted by leftovers or anything else.

I have learned to say politely, "no thank you" without an explanation, but happy to provide one if someone asks.

I love the feeling.

So....I've been struggling to do the same thing with junk food and fast food. Junk food as in chips and crackers. I think fast food speaks for itself.

Yeah, I have been failing miserably. I can't tell myself no, let alone anyone else.

For the last couple of weeks, I have become increasingly more frustrated with my inability to keep junk/fast food down to one time a month. I mean, come on, it worked for sugar!

But no, it just isn't working the same this time. I really don't know what the difference is....

But today, as I sat in Wendy's munching on their new BBQ ranch chicken salad I realized one, I don't really like the BBQ ranch dressing. The salad would have been so much better with out it and two, I had no desire to eat my burger.

I made a half hearted attempt to eat my burger, but after one bite...ugh, I just didn't want it.

I am truly tired of the pizza, the bread sticks, the fries, the burgers, the chicken sandwiches. I just don't want to eat it.

I think, sadly, for me I am going to have to be 100% abstinence to the junk/fast food world. Sigh. It is going to be hard, but I need to do it.

I need to get off this addictive roller coaster. And I need to do it cold turkey.

Wish me luck!

Happy Walking!

Year 2: Day 314: The Start of My New Schedule

Yes! I woke up this morning revving to go! Rolled out of bed faster than molasses (but just barely). Walked a little quicker than normal to the bathroom. And without much ado - started my yoga like stretches.

Yes! I managed to stretch those tired, tight and just sad little muscles for 30 minutes. I felt giddy for the rest of the day....anticipating more movement (and one day strength & stamina) to the 147 lb noodle I have become.

But alas....the best laid plains of mice and men...

I forgot, today was the day I promised to take my daughters to visit the horses.

Yep, horses.

Horses derailed my plan.

Since I didn't plan around the horses, I didn't have a good schedule in place....which meant school took longer, recesses didn't happen and as a result no more exercise.

Sigh.

I swear this is the story of my life!

I am equally prepared to change the story of my life.

I have a good plan. I have a good schedule. What I have is a good framework to help me plan day to day.

Time for step 2: day to day planning!

Hmmm.....We shall see!

Happy Walking!

Year 2: Day 313: The Schedule

I thought long and hard last night and most of today. I think I've got a workable schedule for getting in about 90 minutes of movement.

At this point in my journey of walking...well, I have to stop walking.

In fact, walking has been really difficult since my piriformis muscle pinched my sciatic nerve.

I find some days that all the walking I can do is puttering around the house and other days I can walk for about 15 minutes, but not very briskly.

It is so frustrating.

Yet, I don't want to dwell on the negatives and the can nots. I want to dwell on the positives and cans.

I can stretch.

I think I can work on my core muscles - like abs and lower back.

I think I can also work on my upper body - specifically doing arm exercises.

I really want to do some kind of cardio....and I think I can do something like chair dancing. Something that gets the heart pounding, but doesn't put any pressure or weight on my leg (specifically my foot which is bothering me the most right now).

I know swimming is a great work out, but driving to a heated/covered pool is not an option. Everything I do, must be done at home. I just live to far out from town.

My tentative schedule is to do some yoga type stretches for 30 minutes when I first get up (I get up an hour before my children, so this should work perfect). Then, when I give my children a 30 minute "recess" in the middle of our school day, I can spend that time working on my core. Finally, after lunch (or during quiet time) I can get 30 minutes of cardio in.

I fully expect my efforts in the beginning will be rather pathetic - hardly moving, bending, lifting, etc., but I also fully expect that over time (slowly over time) I will find that I have strength, stamina and flexibility - all with a body that is fully aligned and mobile.

I'm kind of excited to see how this schedule works.

Happy Walking!

Year 2: Day 312: Meh, kind of day

Not a good day for exercise or eating healthy...but a great day for feeling good about myself and my efforts!

Gotta take the good where I can...I mean, I usually beat myself up for my shortcomings. I am tired of beating myself up.

Sure, I didn't get in as much exercise as I would have liked, but I had a great school day (you can read about it here).

As for the exercise...I think along with a plan, I need a good schedule. I need to put it on the calendar and not allow anything to get in the way.

Easier said than done.

Guess I got some homework!

Happy Walking!

Year 2: Day 309: 5 Gratitudes for Friday, 54

1. My loving husband's patience, easy going nature, insight and willingness to listen. I am so incredibly thankful for him, our marriage, our family and our life together.

2. Learning more about my children each day! I learned this week that all of my children speak the love language, quality time. Z also has acts of service. S also has touch. K is almost equal across the board, but needs any of the languages to be spoken with sincerity and meaning. Quality times probably one of the biggest areas I struggle in, but my children appreciate my small efforts.

3. School this year! I am absolutely loving school. We are just reviewing and filling in the gaps, but I am really enjoying the whole process. Who knew grammar could be fun?

4. The use of my body. I may be stiff, I may be weak, I may have chronic pain, but...both legs and arms work. I have my eyesight and my hearing. I am basically healthy. All the other stuff will improve - it just takes time and diligence.

5. My children excited about General Conference this year. Well, to be more precise, they are excited we can watch General Conference at home, in the play room, while wearing our pajamas and drinking hot chocolate. I've made up conference packets and we are ready to go. So very cool.

Happy Walking!

Year 2: Day 308: Payoff!

A quick break from my thread about physical, spiritual and emotional/mental health.

Today, a friend let me know that by sharing some of my struggles with the church, God, Steve and myself that it helped her overcome a similar struggle.

How cool is that?

I have often said the Lord blesses me with struggles because He knows I will talk about my struggles and what helps me get over the struggles.

I have yet to learn a cool way to say thank you, but also give God all the props....because really, I wouldn't be able to help anyone if He didn't help me first.

Happy Walking!

Year 2: Day 307: The Plan

So here is the deal - whenever you learn something about yourself you have a couple of options: 1) ignore it and continue on. 2) attempt to change it completely and over night. or 3) embrace it, find ways to change or improve or work with it and realistically do those things over a long period of time.

I am hoping to achieve #3.

Here is the plan:

1 - Start blogging again.
For some reason, I am better at starting and minting when I blog - especially if I blog daily. It doesn't matter if I am walking every day for a year or just trying to cut back on sugar or even increase my spirituality - I do better when I write. And I do great when I put my writing on a blog for all the world to see (especially  my mom).

2 - Focus on what is most important in each area.
Physical: Building my core muscles. My core muscles are mush and barely doing there job of keeping me up right and moving. Each morning, I am hunched over (because my muscles can not straighten me out) for a good little while (no, I have never timed it because each day is different).

Spiritual: Spending time with God each day. I have known since my children were little that when I spend time each day reading the scriptures and saying my prayers that my day goes better. I am more patient. I am more joyful and optimistic. I am more patient (which is really important to me).

Emotional/Mental: Gratitude. Gratitude could be put under spiritual, but I am putting it under my emotional/mental health. Gratitude helps me focus on the positives in my life. It is too easy to be negative. It is too easy to dwell on what is not happening than on what is happening.

I am pretty excited about each focus. I will probably also write about each one and the progress I am doing.

And for those who are wondering - Yes. Yes, I am still walking. I am walking slow and only for 15 minutes, but every day I feel myself getting stronger and look forward to building back up to 30 minutes.

Happy Walking!

Year 2: Day 306: Who Am I?

To continue my tale of self discovery...I am who I am and I am okay with it.

So who am I?

I am a lot of different things to a lot of different people.

I am a wife, a mother, a daughter, a sister, a niece, a granddaughter, a daughter-in-law, a friend, a listener, a cheerleader, a teacher, a care giver, a nurturer, a best friend....the list can go on, but I am first and fore most a child of God.

I like being a child of God.

I like knowing that whatever I am going through, God is there to help me out. And I need a lot of help.

But along with all those titles and jobs and roles....I am me. A person who secretly wants to be noticed, acknowledged, seen as someone important. It doesn't matter if it is holding a leadership position at church or writing a best selling novel.

I just want to be noticed. I, hate to admit this out loud, wan the accolades of the world. I do.

When I started my blogs so many years ago I had visions of being the best blogger out there with thousands of followers.

I have, maybe 8 between my two blogs. Maybe?

And yet, it hasn't stopped me from blogging....but I had it working out so differently in my head.

I have started several books and even sent one out for publishing (and got rejected), but what did I first see in my head? Yes, being a world renowned writer with a ton of fans.

There is nothing wrong with wanting to be the best. There is nothing wrong with becoming the best. But you don't become the best because you imagine it in your head. You become the best because you work the hard. You work hard and become the best. It is that simple.

And along the way of working hard comes sacrifice. Also people might look at you like your a bit odd because you are putting all this time into something that no one else seems to do....like Kung Fu, beading, dancing, writing....

And that is where the other side of me comes in. Sadly, I want to be the best. I want to be noticed for my brilliance, but I don't necessarily want to put in the hard work or sacrifice and I really don't want anyone to see me as odd.

Honest. I don't want to be odd. I don't want to be different. I want to be like everyone else.

So....I want to be the best, I don't want to work hard at being the best and I want to be like everyone else.

Yeah, not sure how that works. Right, it doesn't. It doesn't work.

What it does do is make you look like an idiot for going from thing to thing to thing. What it does do is make you dream your life away. What it does do is make it hard for you to embrace what you love and what is important to you.

Now, don't get me wrong. I am not a doormat. I am not a fad follower. I am not unthinking. But what I am is a very, very, very good chameleon. I can blend and change to fit in to most groups and in most settings. Which, in the long term is great. I make friends and slowly overtime they see the other sides of me.

What it doesn't do for me is help me to stand out and be noticed or recognize.

The other drawback is sometimes I take myself out of the picture.

For example, I took Japanese in high school and college. My brother (who has an amazing ear for music and languages) decided to learn Japanese as well - so we could speak it together. Instead of seeing a very cool opportunity, all I saw was my brother learning Japanese faster and better than I ever did. So I quit.

I quit things a lot. I also pick things back up again. I'm kind of weird that way.

My daughter says I am a paradox.

Maybe I am.

But I hope I am the best paradox out there and I hope someone notices and praises me for it....especially if everyone else is a paradox too.

Happy Walking!

Year 2: Day 305: Bitterness

This past week has been a roller coaster of emotions.

It all started with my very own mom's night out. (For those who don't know, I LOVE Mom's Night Out and think every woman should watch this movie.)

There were 3 of us, all moms and we all just needed a night off.

One friend hosted at her house (because she is just weeks away from having her 3rd child and we didn't blame for not wanting to go anywhere at night).

We ate, we laughed, we solved the world's problems (hey, world! Call us! We got the answers!) and we even debated.

Towards the end, the discussion turned to the church (two of us are LDS). I don't even remember how we got on the topic, but all of sudden I heard myself talking with such bitterness in my voice. I remember desperately wanting to shut up or change the subject, but all I could do was talk bitterly.

Now, I love the LDS faith. I raised in the church and while I did check out other options in my twenties, I ultimately decided the LDS faith was where I wanted to be. I searched for truth and I found it.

I have never been one of those women who feel the church puts down women or treats us unfairly. I have never had a bad experience with anyone (male or female) in leadership positions. I might not agree with every single bishop and Relief Society president I have met, but I have never had a bad experience - one that made me feel inferior or unloved or incapable. Never.

So why the bitterness?

That's just it....I didn't know. I didn't even know I was bitter until I started talking that night!

I pondered on the way home and could only conclude that I was angry at God. Why God? Well, because I saw the many, many times I heeded his answers and I felt that He had put me in a place I didn't want to be and wasn't allowing me to move to where I wanted to be.

Not a physical place, but a spiritual place.

I prayed about marrying Steve and got the strongest yes I have ever received in my life.

Steve has stated many times to me, as he did before we got engaged, that he would more than likely never join the church, but wanted to raise our children in the church.

I was okay with that statement.

I also didn't know what I was getting into....but knowing what I know now, I don't think I would change my decision one bit.

You see, I was okay with that statement because I thought God was going to change Steve's heart or, you know, make Steve change his heart.

Um, yeah, God doesn't work that way. He has never worked that way. I know He doesn't work that way. I know He has never worked that way.

But yeah, for some reason, I thought I was the exception to the rule. Somewhere deep down, where I didn't even admit it to myself, I thought I was the exception to the rule.

And the last few years has shown me that I am not the exception to the rule. Not in any way shape or form.

The last few years has shown me that Steve truly has (and always has had) free agency when it comes to joining the LDS church...just like he has in helping me raise the children in the LDS faith.

Yeah. Steve has been 100% faithful in all that he told me so many years ago - he probably won't join the church, but he will raise the children in the church.

That is what Steve has done. No lies. No backstabbing. No bait and switch. Nothing but faithfulness and loyalty to what he said originally.

That is a good thing. I am so happy about it. Really, I am. I just didn't know I was also bitter about it.

And God? Well, God didn't lie either or forsake me or leave me hanging out to dry. As we have kept God's commandments, we have been blessed. Funny how that works. It isn't like the LDS faith has a corner on blessings, because we don't. It is pretty universal across the whole earth. In fact, I would have to say it is universal across the whole earth and all of time. God hasn't changed.....and He doesn't change....and He never will. You know, God is eternal like that.

So, I have been blessed over the years. I am happy about that.

The bitterness? Yeah, that is because I wanted God to be someone He is not and I wanted my husband to be someone he is not.

Man, I can be so complicated sometimes.

So, cool, right? I know why I am bitter and who I am bitter at and now I just have to get over it.

Well, it didn't matter what I read or how I prayed I was not getting over this bitter feeling. I was still bitter, but my bitterness at God and Steve didn't seem to be there anymore.

After a week of this....well, bitter nonsense, I started acting cranky. Arguing to argue.

I spent a whole day at the park with friends and all I could do was argue (debate sounds so much nicer, but honestly, I was cranky). By the end of the day, I was miserable.

Steve, ever the patient husband, willingly listened while I tried to explain why I was mad at him and God.

When, to my surprise, I found myself telling Steve why I was mad at myself.

Yep, even farther down, without realizing it, I was angry at myself.

Angry at myself for a lifetime of giving up. Angry at myself for a lifetime of trying to be like everyone else. Angry at myself for not being happy with blessings I have been given. Angry at myself for trying to control and change everyone around me to fit into the image of "sameness" that I have in my head.

Trust me, it was an exhausting, emotional revelation.

But once it was out on the table, I felt like a huge weight had lifted.

I am who I am.

And I am good enough.

Happy Walking!

Year 2: Day 304: Check Your Spiritual Health

It has been so long since my last post and I have so much to say.

I'm not even sure I can get it all out...explain it all.

When I started this blog almost two years ago it was with one simple goal - to record my thoughts while walking and to track my weight (and other stats).

Over the course of that first year, I found myself writing about more than just walking and weight. I quickly discovered that so much (if not all) of my life was interconnected.

Being more physically active (just walking 30 minutes a day) helped my depression lift, I started eating and sleeping better, I laughed more....basically I was improving in ways I could not have foreseen or predicted.

This second year has been so much harder.

The move across country, pinching my sciatic nerve, Steve traveling more for his job and the children becoming more involved in extra-curricular activities (like Drama).

My health suffered.

Walking became almost impossible. I stopped sleeping well, my eating habits when down the tubes, I stopped caring about so many things....and unknown to me, my spiritual side was hurting as well.

I still don't understand how the many different sides are tied together. How the physical, spiritual, and emotional health affect one another, but I know they do.

As I strived to get physically healthy (heck, I still wake up in the morning bent and crooked), I ignored the spiritual and emotional health....I didn't think I needed to worry about those areas.

I was wrong.

100% wrong.

Now, before my mother (and others) have a heart attack thinking something awful has happened, let me assure it has not.

This post is merely an attempt to give some background and some advice.

This post is a gentle reminder to myself and maybe to others that as we strive for physical health we have to include those other areas. They all work together.

I think in tomorrow's post I will go into more details about what happened this week and how it has helped me....maybe even changed me?

Happy Walking!

Year 2, Day 236: Decluttering

This has been a year of stopping and starting over....and the year is only half over!

The stopping is always discouraging, but the part to focus on is the starting over. Really, that is what the old proverb, "fall down 7 times, get up 8" means....starting over.

I see stopping as failure. I see failure as a bad thing. But maybe it is time to change that perspective.

I've been reading/working through a wonderful book by Peter Walsh, "Lighten Up". I thought it was going to be a strictly "how to clean up your house" book. It is not. Now, Peter Walsh has books out there like that, but he also has books like "Lighten Up" that puts the whole idea of declutter on its head.

"Lighten Up" is about decluttering your finances, which ends up decluttering some of your emotional clutter and your house clutter.

Who knew it was all connected?

Future posts may be less about exercise and more about decluttering because what I have learned is that until I get other aspects of my life under control, I am never going to get my health under control. For me, the stacks of papers I have ignored for years, the piles of pictures and cards that I have left in boxes for years is a symptom of excuses that I have made to myself.

I have learned that when I feel overwhelmed in the slightest I become inactive and when I am inactive nothing gets done so than I feel overwhelmed. Yup, I pretty ugly circle.

Happily, my finances are not cluttered. The majority of my house is clutter free (I can't stand a cluttered and messy kitchen, bathroom or utility room). The children and I have decided to make scrapbooking our art project for the rest of the year (they are so excited!).

And I have decided to tackle my two biggest stressors (my spirituality and my health) with baby steps.

I like that new beginnings can happen any time of the year.

I like that new beginnings can happen multiple times!!!

Happy Walking!

Year 2, Day 232: 5 Gratitudes for Friday, 53

1. That our latest house hiccup (pack rats) was discovered while both my husband and father-in-law were here at the house. They discovered the pack rats. They took care of the pack rats. Me? I googled pack rats, read about them and saw how cute they are...yep, pack rats are little bit cute. They just don't get to live in my yard.

2. My husband is continuing to ensure the pack rat problem does not come back by having landscapers clean up the bushes around the yard - every bush will have the lower 2 feet cut away. Pack rats do not like sunlight and they don't like to climb trees (to hard to carry their "treasures"). I am so excited. The landscapers will be here on Tuesday!!!

3. For discovering Peter Walsh. For those who watched Oprah or Rachel Ray, you probably know all about Peter Walsh the decluttering guru. I ran across one of his Facebook posts recently and fell in love. I love to clean, declutter and organize! Too many moves recently has made my home the exact opposite of what I prefer, but I am gobbling up Peter Walsh's decluttering challenges (which you can read here) and reading his books. He has one for decluttering your house, your hips, your head and your finances. Loving them!!!! Love that my home and head are getting decluttered! (Finances are golden and the hips will come next!)

4. K having the opportunity to be in charge of our homeschool groups art activity. She did a great job of coming up with an idea (make caterpillars out of cardboard egg cartons) and executing it. She had one caterpillar to show off and then took the children through each step. The other teenagers jumped right in with setting up, preparing the egg cartons and helping the other children. It was great! The woman in charge of art day has asked K to do it again!

5. For so many things. A husband who loves and supports me. For children who are willing to work hard and jump into activities. For friends who love and support me. For lots of rain and lots of sunshine. I am feeling really blessed today.

Happy Walking!

Year 2, Day 211: 5 Gratitudes for Friday, 52

1. Meeting some amazing women today while I was visiting teaching (for those not LDS, visiting teaching is when the women of the church visit each other each month and also are available to help through out the month - I see it as a great excuse to make new friends and talk!). I feel very blessed to have been in the presence of older women who have already been through my stage of life (younger children, teenagers, etc.). I just sat back and listened. I can't wait to visit them again!

2. A librarian who found a way to inspire my son to read more, but to also read some challenging books. He is so excited and working hard - all on his own!

3. My husband's continual support as I strive to better myself and take care of myself - even if that means I am in bed by 8pm!

4. My mom for loving me and supporting me even though we are much too far apart. I would also have to add my sister - who is also much too far away. Heck, let's change number 4 to all of the women in my life who continue to love me and support me and are much to far away! I love the emails, the phone calls, the face book messages, the comments, the text messages...everything - it keeps me going. Thank you!!!!

5. For a heated pool!!!!! I know, I know, I am a wuss because I like my water a nice 85 degrees, but the warm water has been wonderful and when I swim, I don't feel pain. Just so glad Steve is willing to pay for that little extra for my comfort. He is the best!

Happy Walking!

Year 2, Day 204: 5 Gratitudes for Friday, 51

1. Swim classes completed. All my children improved, but Z improved the most because he finally learned to swim! I've been calling the class "swim magic"....now if I could only find "magic" in other subjects! We send a great big thanks to their teacher, Ms. Sam!

2. The leaky pipe in the yard has been fixed - no more mini creek! The plumbers worked hard all day in the hot sun - digging a deep hole and then having to bail water. Wow! But thanks to them and their hard work, we are back to normal.

3. My husband apologizing when he griped at me this morning. He doesn't gripe very often and he apologizes first happens even less often. But I am very thankful for him humbling himself....makes it so much easier to think good thoughts. :)

4. My children spending their own money on LEGO mixels. Mixels are the newest LEGO craze and I have no desire to spend my money on it. My children didn't even ask me to spend my money. They pulled their money together and bought it themselves. Very cool.
You can learn more about Mixels here.

5. My children supporting me in my early bedtime. It is already making a big difference for me. I actually woke up a few minutes before my alarm went off this morning! Still get very tired at the end of the day, but the early bedtime is working (for those who don't know, I am now going to bed at 8pm). I kiss my children goodnight and then each one of them knows what time is their "lights out." So far so good - no one has broken their bedtime. What great children!

Happy Walking!

Year 2, Day 202: Sleep

I've had it with sleep. Simply had it.

Sleep is needed for everything. everything.

Sleep helps your brain, your weight, your allergies, your muscles, your digestion, your skin...

And sleep is probably the hardest thing to get in...for me. Maybe not you. But it is the hardest thing to get in.

All the "experts" and "studies" suggest that we, as adults, need between 7 and 9 hours of uninterrupted sleep.

Yeah. That doesn't happen to often.

I've tried living on 7 hours - slowly over time I become more and more exhausted.

I've tried living on 8 hours - this works, but almost always crave an afternoon nap.

Sigh.

Now I am going to try living on 9 hours.

Too make this work (and still allow myself and hour in the morning before the children get up), I will need to go to bed between 8 and 8:30pm.

Yeah! I get to be a 12 again.

My children think this is hilarious because they all go to bed after me. That's right. I am going to bed before my children.

This has to be the most bizarre thing I have tried in the name of sleep....but, gosh, I am so tired of falling asleep during movies, reading books and yawning while I am driving.

Happy Walking!

Year 2, Day 200: My day with sweets!

I don't remember if I blogged about this or not; and honestly, if I take the time to check I will probably get lost in reading old posts and then forget to come and post about my day with sweets....so I will risk repeating myself. :)

Earlier this year, when I pinched my piriformis muscle/sciatic nerve, I discovered that I was addicted to all things sugary.

As I laid on the hard floor waiting patiently for my muscles to relax, I gobbled what was easy - granola bars with chocolate chips, candy bars, cookies...yeah, it wasn't pretty.

So, I made Mother's Day my last day to have sweets for the rest of the month.

I had read, somewhere, about a family that sugar out of their diet - even the hidden sugars in foods (talk about a lot of label reading!). This family allowed themselves a spurge once a month.

I figured I could do that too.

Yesterday, in honor of Father's day, I had my treat for the month of June.....yeah, it was good. I had one double stuff Oreo and I had two Recess Peanut Butter cup flavored Oreos (yes, they were as good as they sound). I happily dunked their sugary goodness into milk and savored the cool delight. Such bliss.

Am I tempted to eat more? Nope, not at all. My next sugary delight will be in July for my husband's birthday (Grasshopper pie...yum) and in August I will have something fun at my family's reunion.

I actually like having something to look forward too - somehow it makes it easier to be strong. Sure, I have only been doing this a month....so I will let you know if I slip or if it gets harder, but right now? I am loving it.

Happy Walking!

Year 2, Day 197: 5 Gratitudes for Friday, 50

1. My son being water ready. My biggest fear has been Z not being able to save himself if something weird happened while swimming. He has no fear of the water, but his ability did not match!
After a week of swim lessons, Z can now save himself....everything after this will be gravy. Today, after only 5 lessons (a half hour each), Z jumped into the deep end, rolled onto his back and swam a modified version of the backstroke to the side of the pool. He did it several times.
What I loved watching, was how the trust Z had in his teacher, Ms. Sam, allowed him to push himself. Ms. Sam never once pushed Z or asked him to do more than he was comfortable with. She was patient. She asked him to work on different things (like learning to blow out of his nose when his face was in the water). She had him do everything that the rest of the class was doing, but let him know that he only had to do his best at his own pace and his own ability.
Also, in the beginning, Z would ask "are you going to let go?" Ms. Sam, said no and she kept her word. This was huge.

2. For Jaden, a girl in Z's swim class, for being such a caring young girl. Jaden noticed Z did not like to get his face wet. Jaden told her mom that she wanted to be Z's friend and help him like the water more. Z told me that he wanted to be Jaden's friend because her enthusiasm for "diving" down into the water made Z want to do it too. They have become friends and have cheered each other on through each and every class. Very cool.

3. For parents who get it. Not only did Jaden want to help Z, but Jaden's mom started cheering Z on whenever he did something especially hard. It became infectious and now all the parents are cheering on all the children when they do something hard. Z and Jaden happen to get most of the cheering because they both had the most to learn and the most fears to overcome. The first time these two children jumped into the deep end (with some help) - all the parents erupted into cheers and applause. It was just like the applause given to the winning team....because that is what it was. The winning team of two individuals overcoming a fear and learning a hard, but important skill.

4. For Heavenly Father giving me lots of opportunities this past few weeks to learn to be a little stronger and an opportunity for my children to learn to work hard be a little more responsible. Some of what we had to do (like cleaning up a bug explosion in the food pantry) I hope to never have to repeat, but I am grateful for the opportunities. I leaned on the Lord more and the children did more on their own. It was all worth it.

5. For my husband. He is an amazing father, an amazing husband and an amazing person. I am so glad that he married me 16 years ago. I am so thankful that he works hard so I can stay home and home school. I think I love him more now then I did then.

Happy Walking!

Year 2, Day 195: Ugh!

So, I have a really great schedule....it is really great and I can get everything done plus my workouts.

Very excited.

Now, I just have to wait for swim classes to end.

On M, W, F, we are at swim class from 1:15 to 3pm. It is an hour drive (round trip)....that is a big chunk of my day gone.

T, TH isn't as bad - swim class is only from 2:30-3pm (still have that hour round trip), but I use the extra time at home to catch up on cleaning, laundry and school.

Sigh.

Not going to beat myself up. Just going to move when I can and how I can until I can start up my regular schedule again.

Isn't that what winners do?

Happy Walking!

Year 2, Day 193: maybe I should use this...

Here is a fascinating article about habits that highly productive people do every day. The article is written for the working class, but it has me intrigued on how to apply it in my personal life.

For example, one of the habits is giving yourself 80-90 minutes every morning. The article talked about doing uninterrupted work - me? I see it as a great time to exercise or read my scriptures or whatever I need. The trick is basically to do the same thing every single day.

If I choose to make that time exercise - I do not have to do the same exercise every day (like walking), but I do have to exercise each day.

I guess what appeals to me, as a stay at home mom and a home schooler, is that I constantly feel as if my time is not my own. As if I wake up each day reacting instead of acting.

Exercise right now only gets done if my day goes "perfect". I would rather have my day not be perfect, but still get my exercise in.

This morning is a great example of this:

I normally wake up at 5:30 to start my day. Today I woke up at 6:30....already an hour behind! By 7am, I was on the phone with a dear friend who was in the midst of a family emergency and needed someone to talk to - I like being that person. I like being available for friends and family when they need me. By the time I got off the phone with my friend, had breakfast, got dressed, stretched and did my toiletries....well, it was well after 9am.

Sadly, the children  by this point had a little too much unsupervised time and fighting broke out. Instead of attempting to clean or do school, instead, I took the time to create a new "consequence" jar (which is another needed post).

Then it was lunch and time to go to swim class.

See how nothing got done? Nothing in the house, not my exercise, not school....nothing.

I like the idea of just putting in some subtle changes - not checking email first thing in the morning, giving myself 80-90 minutes each morning, planning the night before, etc. should give me time to accomplish the truly important things - like exercise.

Sure, there will still be days like this when I am needed first thing in the morning or children fight or some other emergency comes up, but then it should feel like a "once in a while' thing instead of my daily life.

My health is worth the time and effort.

Happy Walking!

Year 2, Day 192: Cereal

I don't really post much about nutrition because, honestly, I don't know much.

I've decided that I should post my musings, if for no other reason, writing things out helps me!

So, please bear with me on this post.

I think I eat to much cereal. I really like milk with Cheerios or with Special K or with Raisin Bran (although I prefer yogurt with Raisin Bran). Cereal just has a nice texture/flavor combo that I really like.

In the summer time, I tend to eat a lot of cereal. Too hot to cook? Eat cereal! Too tired to cook because I have been swimming all afternoon? Eat cereal! Woke up late and do not have time to make eggs and oatmeal? Eat cereal! Want a late night snack? Eat Cereal! Yeah, cereal just about covers all the meals and moods.

Now, in the winter, especially a very cold winter, my go to food tend to be oatmeal or soup.

But back to summer (since that is the season we are in).

When I am doing a great job at eating healthy, I will eat a salad every day. I will have fruit at every  meal and for every snack. Heck, some of my favorite meals are fruit! The children and I like to do salad bars in the summer. We also tend to eat a lot of what I call, "Bruno" plates - hunk of cheese, hunk of bread, bunch of fruit and maybe some olive oil. We also do the cheese, apples and crackers meals that I first enjoyed with my Aunt Celeste.

Thankfully, my husband doesn't mind when I go into my "it is too dang hot to have the oven on or to stand by a hot stove so I am not cooking" mode. He just eats cereal. Hmmm....maybe I learned this trait from him? (Well, to be honest, no, it wasn't him. It was being a poor starving student in college - I could store a lot of cheap cereal in my dorm room, it required no special tools and I could eat it all day long....)

What is weird about this summer, is that I haven't gotten into my "more fruits and veggies" phase. It usually starts in spring and is in full swing by now. Sadly, I am still in my "all I want is cereal" phase.

Sure Cheerios is good for your heart and low in sugar. Sure Raisin Bran is high in fiber. Not sure what Special K is good for, but the cereal touts itself as a way to lose weight, so it must be healthy, right?

I have been mulling the idea around that what I need to do, is make sure to eat a big helping of fruit or veggies before I pull out that box of cereal...maybe, just maybe, that will get me eating a tad healthier (or at the very least, vary my meals!).

Happy Walking!

Year 2, Day 191: Remember the days?

Do you remember the days as a child when you played all day outside? Riding bikes, climbing trees, swimming, walking to a friends house, playing at the park, roller skating, playing ball, water fights, snowball fights, building snow forts....I mean, there was not enough time in the day to get in all the fun.

Do you remember those days when you played like crazy and didn't care what the scale said or what size your clothes were or how much you ate?

Do you remember not worrying about growing old or pulling muscles or aching feet?

Man, being a child is totally wasted on the youth!

I watched my children swim today with happy abandon. Their form was terrible (they are taking swim lessons next week), but their fun was off the chart.

Me? I actually didn't swim because I was playing life guard, but when I do swim, I don't feel like the play I do with my children is "working" me enough and I always begin or end with some laps.

Sure, laps are good, but why do I feel this need to get in some "real" exercise? When we were children, playing was exercise. Why does it have to change when we get older?

The question is actually quite serious.

Does play no longer work our bodies like it once did? Do we, physically, need the additional stimulation that work outs bring to our muscles, joints, organs and so forth? Why can't we play and stay fit? Seems kind of unfair...

Also what is unfair is not being able to eat everything in sight and not gain a pound, but I am sure that is a post for another day!

In the meantime, I will keep working out and I will also keep playing....maybe between the two I can stay healthy and young.

Happy Walking!

Year 2, Day 190: Another good reason to workout

Recently I posted a question on the Body by Bells Facebook page asking how everyone stayed motivated to workout. When I asked the question, I was struggling to workout - I wasn't feeling the excitement when I first started.

I got a lot of great responses, but Mandy Goodwill's response has stuck in my head the most. She said:  Consistency and feeling happy is what keeps me motivated. When I get inconsistent is when I fall out of the groove. And then I get grumpy. So even though I may not feel particularly motivated at the moment, I try to think about how more unmotivated I will feel if I get off track. And my family, including myself, likes me better when I'm not grumpy.

I honestly wondered if that could be true - not exercising would cause someone to get grumpy? I get grumpy for all sorts of reasons. Not enough sleep. Not enough time to myself in the morning. (Oh, I am sure there are more....) But I never thought of exercise in that way.

I decided to put Mandy to the test (of course, she didn't know that). I have been super consistent for about a week (I know, not very long, but hey, I gotta start somewhere!). 

I did not get any form of exercise in today and guess what? yeah, you guessed it. Mom was grumpy (you can read the whole ugly truth about that on my other blog.)

It might not be scientific proof, but it is enough for me to figure out how to get some exercise in on my super busy days (Thursday is the busiest). It is enough for me to add "not get grumpy" to my reasons for exercising. 

Happy Walking!

Year 2, Day 189: Small Changes

There is something about working out that I love - seeing the small, but important, changes.

On Monday, I could hardly finish my 5 push ups (against the wall). Today, I did all 5 (against the wall). It might not sound like much, but that is a huge improvement for me.

I can see the small changes during the work out - a little lower in a stretch; holding a little longer while doing a plank, going a little deeper in a squat. Which in turn gets me excited.

Excitement is what drives me to come back for more the next day.

I would rather have my excitement come from losing large amount of weight or have chiseled arms...but I gotta start somewhere, right?

When I got done working out today, I was already thinking of what days next week I could get my workouts in....I think this is a good sign.

I am still going slow. Trying not to push myself, but I did see small improvements. Good enough reason to celebrate!

Happy Walking!

Year 2, Day 188: The Universe helps me workout

I whined yesterday about starting over and moving so slow.

Here is the thing, it doesn't matter how slow you move in the beginning.

What matters is that you are moving. Your body wants and needs you to move.

You will see benefits the moment you start.

And that slow moving? Yeah, you will still feel it later that day or even the next day. You feel that good kind of tired from working hard. You will feel that good kind of sore from moving muscles you forgot you even had.

You might not look like a swimsuit model after one day of moving slow, but you will feel it.

And here is another funny thing that happens when you start moving - a sort of silent announcement to the universe that you are serious - things will come into your life that cause you to move more. Seriously, it happens.

Today was that kind of day for me. The universe (or how I prefer to see it, God) looking out for me. I want to get into shape. I want to start moving more....and what does God do for me? He gives me an opportunity to move today.

You see, Tuesdays and Thursdays are tough days for me. They are scheduled "active recovery" days, which means I don't do the Body by Bells workout. I am suppose to do something active - like walking. However, I sometimes forget and end up doing nothing on my "active" recovery day.

So, today, to ensure that I had an "active" recovery day, God gave me the opportunity to find bugs in my food pantry. A discovery that demands immediate action. A discovery that demands lots and lots and lots of affected foods are tossed out. Which then demands of me, to squat and lift and toss, large heavy bags of food.

Gosh, I love active recovery days! And from now on, I am going to ensure that I always have a plan to get in a gentler, less gross active recovery day....like cleaning behind the television or under the couch or....just kidding! I will set up a plan to do yoga or dancing or walking or swimming or anything besides bugs in the pantry!

Happy Walking!

Year 2, Day 187: Starting over is hard to do...

Do you know the old song, "Breaking Up is Hard to Do?" - Every time I exercise I hear that tune with the words...."Starting Over is Hard to Do!"

Yeah, it doesn't quite fit, but the premise is true.

Starting over is hard to do. And I have started over more times than I can count. If I could go back in time (hmmm....sounds like another song lyric) I would tell my younger self to never quit exercising.

That's it. That is the message I would give myself - Don't Quit.

Maybe if I hadn't quit after high school or college or after being married for a year or after becoming pregnant with each and every child or the countless times I have started and stopped since having my last child, maybe just maybe, I would be better off than I am today.

I hate doing "barely moving" work outs. My squats maybe, maybe go a 1/4 of the way down. My push-ups are against the wall...still. My squat thrusts are a joke - I can't seem to figure out how to thrust backwards so I just move one leg at a time. Seriously. My brain and my legs are mis-communicating over this particular exercise. I squat down and then....nothing. I just sit there trying to remember how to thrust back.

There are lots of things my brain and body have forgotten to do. I was laying on the floor with my legs bent (feet close to my bum) when I attempted to do a floor bridge (you know, the exercise where you push your pelvis up in to the air). Yeah, I couldn't do it. What was interesting was if my feet were far enough away from my bottom than I could do it. Makes me think different muscles were working and not working, but I digress....

My head remembers how to do all of these exercises, but my muscles have either forgotten or have gotten too weak or are just simply not working correctly (misalignment). With my luck, it is probably all three.

I am pretty sure everything was communicating before I injured my piriformis muscle/sciatic nerve...but that doesn't really matter. It isn't working now.

So here I am, working out again with Mandy. Starting over from the beginning (she has a 12 week program) and feeling frustrated beyond belief.

Maybe, just maybe, if I had never stopped that first time, it wouldn't be quite so hard this time. Maybe.

Happy Walking!

Year 2, Day 186: I hope they call me on a mission...

A quick update: A few months ago, I started a workout program with Mandy Goodwill through her business Eclipse Fitness. She has an area just for women called "Body by Bells." Mandy has two programs to choose from, one that is strength training through body weight resistance (hopefully, I got that right!). For this option, think push ups, planks, stair climbers, etc. The other option is doing workouts with kettle bells. Don't know how to explain kettle bells, so check out this wiki page.

I chose the first option. Mandy is an amazing instructor. I normally do not like these type of work outs, but Mandy does a great job of encouraging, expelling, keeping it fun, but also working you hard so you see results. I was absolutely loving how I was feeling.

Then I got hurt. Twice.

Not sure what I did the first time. I felt pain in my hip and lower back, but never went to see a doctor. I just babied it for a few days, then slowly eased back into the work outs.

The second time, however; wow! Talk about pain. My piriformis muscle (which is a muscle that lays under your glutes) pinched my sciatic nerve (a nerve that runs from your lower back all the way down your legs). My pain was on my left side. It was so bad that I could not walk. Laid for several days on the floor, on my back, with my left leg propped up at a 45 degree angle with pillows (the pillows supported every part of my leg from my hip all the way to my heel).

I do not recommend this injury to anyone.

I am thankful that my family doctor specializes in orthopedics. He and his interns were able to gently work on my muscles and get me back to not feeling any pain and being able to walk. I am not a 100% healed. The doctor told me it would take several months for me to be "100%" better and more than likely I will aggravate the piriformis muscle again. It is just one of those muscles that once pulled or pinched easily re-injure.

Yet, the doctor said being active is important.

I am really struggling to be active again. I really am.

I wake up feeling like a crooked old woman (sadly I don't have a crooked old dog or crooked line so I guess am not living a nursery rhyme).

I stretch. I use a foam roller to deep massage the muscles that feel cramped and achy.

I try to walk. I try to do Mandy's exercises - she even suggest kettle bells would be great to help me get back into shape.

I think, deep down, I under if I am "suppose" to get into shape.

Okay, that sounds weird, I know.

Sometimes, my thinking thinks me out of good things.

So here is my very bizarre logic:

In the scriptures it says there is a season for everything. I have accepted that my season in life is raising children and homeschooling. I get that. I can postpone working outside of the home. I can postpone going back for my masters. I can postpone writing the next great novel. And somewhere in my head, since getting injured, I have convinced myself that getting shape just isn't for this "season" - maybe when the children are a little older.

I have a confession to make: every time I have attempted to get into shape in the past, something has caused me to quit (myself, moving, injury, etc). Each and every time I have had a similar thought - maybe now is just not the right time.

I know, I know, I know. Now is the perfect time to get healthy. My young children are home, they will learn from my example. They will see the benefits of eating a balanced meal and of getting enough rest and drinking enough water and exercising. This is the best way to show instead of tell. In my head, I know this.

But somehow, the other part of my brain (the part that is not always logical) convinces myself that "now is not the time."

So, I have been struggling to exercise. I have been struggling to be motivated. I have been struggling with this internal conflict.

Then today at church, we had a wonderful talk by a woman who is getting ready to serve a mission with her husband. She started the talk by telling the children they could help their parents prepare to serve a mission by encouraging them to...exercise, eat healthy, get adequate sleep, etc...

It was a wonderful talk. And the whole time she talked, I realized I had a new argument for myself. Maybe getting in shape is not the "right" time for me, but I have a daughter that wants to serve a mission. This is the "right" time for her to get in shape. And for my daughter to get into shape, I am going to need to help her - I need to be a good example, I need to encourage her, I need to mentor her, I need to gather information for her to read (which means I have to read it) about health, nutrition, etc.

Now the above paragraph may sound like it means "I am suppose to get in shape", then you have failed to see the subtle difference. When I am striving to get into shape than the focus is on me. When I am striving to help my daughter prepare to be physically fit for her mission than the focus is on her. And I have learned since day 1 of being pregnant with my first child that I am much better at taking care of myself when I see that it directly helps my child be the healthiest they can be.

The requirements to be a missionary are tough - walk 6 miles and ride a bike for 12 miles. It is suggested to establish a regular pattern of aerobic exercise - walking, running, or cycling for one hour every day.

We will jump in with both feet, but we will also build slowly - we have time.

And how does kettle bells and body weight resistance fit in? Well, at my age, to be physically fit takes a lot more than just walking....besides, if I can be an example to all of my children that the best way to prepare for their adult life - be it missions, college, military or parenthood - is through being physically fit, than I gotta do it all.

Sometimes it is hard being a mom. And sometimes, being a mom is just the answer you need.

Happy Walking!

Year 2, Day 185: Sprinting

I wrote a wonderful a post the other night on the back of a scratch paper about sprinting....yeah, it got thrown away before I could type it up. Here is my humble attempt to recapture its brilliance:

I am a sprinter at heart (well, if you read my post for today on my other blog you will also know I am a writer at hear), but what I mean by being a sprinter is I loved sprinting when I was a child - the shout of "go" and running for all your worth, heart pounding, legs stretching, arms pumping and you just move like lightening. Just zoom. I love it.

I was actually quite good at sprinting in high school, one of the fastest.

I'm pretty sure I could not go two feet without collapsing...yeah, we are going to blame that on, um, children? age? hmmm, not sure. But that doesn't matter, what matters is how sprinting works.

To sprint, you run as hard and as fast as you possibly can.

That is what I do in life. I make a goal and I run at it as hard and as fast as I possibly can.

Sadly, so many of my goals are not "sprint" goals, but more like long-distance running goals.

I want to lose weight, I want to be healthy, I want to be "in shape", I want to be fit, I want...well, we will keep this list down to the goals that relate to health and fitness. :)

I can hit the ground "running" to lose weight, but it is NOT a "sprint" goal. Nope, not in the least. To lose weight, you have to eat healthy and exercise. I can't eat healthy today, exercise tomorrow and lose weight on the third day...and even if that did work, it certainly wouldn't work long term.

Long term, I need to eat healthy and exercise (I prefer to say "move") everyday....every. single. day.

Yeah, that is what I call a marathon.

When I was on the track team, I was never good at the long distance running. I could never figure out how to pace myself - to ensure I still had something left at the end of the race. I always pooped out toward the end - lungs heaving, heart pounding and my side hurting.

Except for last year's experiment with walking, I feel like weight lifting/strength training has been my attempt at "sprinting" instead of learning how to pace myself for that "long run."

Instead of beating myself up, I am going to follow the old Chinese proverb (paraphrased), "When you are knocked down 7 times, get up 8."

Happy Walking!

Year 2, Day 129: Let It Go

I have been thinking a lot about what to write for my first post after such a long hiatus. Feel free to read all about it on my other blog: Me and My Four Children

In some ways, I should just start this year over because it has been so long since I have worked on my goal of writing, walking and strength training, but then I realized....sometimes falling off the wagon & then getting back on is just as important to the journey as starting and finishing.

For the last 5 weeks I have been working out via on-line videos with my sister-in-law, Mandy. Mandy is an awesome instructor - I can not say enough good things about her (but I will save all of that for another post). My lack of writing had nothing to do with Mandy or the work outs (trust, me it is strength training!).

My lack of writing had everything to do with my own insecurities, my own negative voices in my head, my own feelings of not being good enough.

Some of these negative thoughts & feelings have been conveyed back to Mandy and she, being the awesome instructor/person that she is, immediately let me know that I am doing great, on the right track and deserve to be the best me in the best body that I can have (let's face it, no matter how much I work out I am never going to grow any taller or have my hair magically turn blonde....).

I think everyone has those negative thoughts running through their brains. Maybe it has to do with your singing voice or your cooking abilities or something you truly can not control like your height! But each of us has been endowed with an amazing body (that is also another post) and amazing abilities. Each one of us deserves to feel and look our best every day. We do not have to be super model thin (not that I want to be) or have faces that are good enough to grace the cover of a magazine (okay, I secretly want that one), but we can be our very best selves.

I had forgot that for the past several months. I had forgotten that I have learned this lesson several times in the past (I will probably have to relearn it again in the future), but today, through a Disney movie....correction, a Disney song, I remembered.

side note: what is it about Disney movies and songs that can touch our very souls? Movie magic anyone?

Back to the point: This morning we finally watched Frozen. I won't go into all of my likes and dislikes of the movie....but I finally get why the song "Let It Go" has taken the world by storm, been translated into a ton of different languages (at least 25) and nominated for an Oscar (don't know if it won).

Forget about the movie sequence that goes with the song (some people dislike the dress Elsa makes for herself), just let yourself be carried away by the movie and lyrics.

An argument could be made that Elsa is singing to let all the good things of the world go, but she isn't. She is not saying stop being a good girl (despite the line that mentions being a good girl) - what the song is actually saying is let your unique talents, your best self, the person you are meant to be shine through. Show the world who you truly are. Show the world what you are made of and what you are capable of.

I have said on this blog before that I have never felt that what I like to do or am good at is legit. The example I always give is exercise. Everyone says "run", so I try to run even though I don't like to and prefer walking or dancing. Why do I think what I like to do is not good enough? Why do I think my dancing is bad or my singing is wrong or my piano playing is only so-so or how I home school isn't perfect or I don't have any sense of decorating a home and dressing myself.

Why do I put myself down and put everyone else on a pedestal. Why do we do that as women? And if we are not putting every one else down than we are tearing everyone else down.

I realize I am getting off topic a bit, but as my daughters and i have sung Elsa's song over and over again it hit me hard - why do I feel that I must conform? why do I feel that I can not be my best me? why?

Well, today, I am letting go.

When I am strength training and hating/loving every minute of it, I am letting go of those negative thoughts...and when I am done, I am putting on a  favorite tune and dancing my heart out.

I love to sing. I love to dance. I love to move my body - walking, riding a bike, swimming, playing with my children, etc.

Strength training is necessary. I am going to let go of my fear and hatred of it - I have actively avoided it since high school. When the push ups are hard, when I don't think I can do another Burpee,  when I see on the video how much lower Mandy can get in her push ups (which makes sense since she is a certified trainer)....I am just going to let it go.

I am in this for me. I am becoming my best self so I can enjoy my children like I did when they were younger. I am doing this so I can be my healthiest as I move into my 40s. I am letting go of all those negative comments about my body that have ever come my way - those people and their comments do not matter.

Let it go....and be the best you possible.

Happy walking!

Let it Go video